Anna Maria Locke

mindset

How to overcome the fear of judgment and be unapologetically true to yourself

2019Anna Locke
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Earlier this summer I shared a blog post on the two basic fears that pop up for all entrepreneurs as we start to launch ourselves and our work... but I never told you how to actually get over yourself. Until now! :)

Anytime we go out of our comfort zone or navigate a new life transition, we make ourselves emotionally vulnerable and that opens up a lot of fear.

One of the main fears that my clients (and I) struggle with is the fear of judgment.

“What will people think?”

The only way to truly overcome a fear is to move through it with action and prove to yourself that it holds no power over you.

But sometimes we need to build up our courage and confidence first and this is where a little self coaching comes in.

Today I'm sharing a quick and powerful tool for immediately diffusing fear of judgment or overly caring what other people think.

This will make you uncomfortable. It’s safe to get uncomfortable, in fact it’s the only way to grow and evolve as a human.

But first - the backstory of why this topic is so personal to me!!

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This picture was taken last Thursday. I was riding in the car with my friends Amanda and Anna, on our way to Indianapolis for Beachbody Coach Summit, blasting Disney tunes and singing at the top of our lungs.

What do you see?

Three girls on a road trip having fun, right?

Well, that’s pretty much the truth, but a picture is worth a thousand words and captured in this image I see so many things I used to hold fear of judgment around:

-being part of a network marketing company
-singing out loud in front of other people
-reaching out to strangers on Instagram and inviting them into my business
-opening my heart and making new friends as an adult
-being my quirky spazzy emotional introverted self

If I had let my fears stop me, I wouldn’t be here today: 5 years into my business, 9 months into a healthy active pregnancy, about to be able to stay at home with my baby and still earn income online, able to travel all over anytime I want to attend personal development and leadership events with inspiring people, part of a community of positive and ambitious women who support me and share my vision..

I think it’s completely normal to care about what other people think of you, because humans are pretty judge-y. Plus going through a major life transition or launching an authentic, heart centered business is the ultimate act in vulnerability and it IS going to feel uncomfortable. So get used to it babe! It’s all part of the game. Not a sign that something is wrong.

What IS wrong is if you let your fear of what other people will think hold you back from living true to your heart (per the Mulan song) and making life decisions on your own terms.

Ready to get out of your own way? Here is what I do:

How to diffuse fear of judgment in 10 minutes or less

  • Take out a pen and paper and make a list of names: who SPECIFICALLY are you afraid is going to judge you?

  • If it’s random strangers on the internet: let them go! You don’t even know them.

  • If it’s family or  friends:

    • What specifically do you think they judging you for?

    • Does their opinion matter?

    • Does their judgment change what you believe in, or the mission you’re sharing with your business?

  • Maybe you’ll realize there is no one at all, and you’re actually only judging yourself because you don't really believe in yourself yet, in which case it's time to get clear on your mission and purpose!

Self awareness is the biggest step you can take in getting out of your own way.

The world needs you to show up and shine!

xo Anna

p.s. click here to sign up for my weekly encouragement and free resources!

Common Fears to Expect While Growing Your Business

2019Anna Locke
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It takes what I call COURAGEOUS AUTHENTICITY to build a heart centered business that's an expression of who you are, because it forces us to (A) figure out who we are in the first place and (B) get super vulnerable and bare our souls to the internet and world !!

In my 5 years of online business I've realized that we all deal with pretty much the exact same fears: fear of rejection, judgment, failure, success, no one signing up for our stuff, not ever finishing what we start...

There’s a difference between what I consider legit fear (e.g. danger or harm coming to you or someone you care about) versus irrational fear (what our ego or crazybrain considers danger, but won’t actually put us in harms way).

The way we evolved, our instinctual brain can’t tell the difference between being chased by a knife wielding stranger down a dark alley, and going out of our comfort zone to do something we’ve never done before. Our fear instinct sends DANGER warnings to our nervous system in either case, and we react accordingly.

In the second scenario, whenever we go out of our comfort zone we’re placing ourselves at risk of failure, judgment, increased visibility, which are uncomfortable to our ego that just wants us to fit in and play small.

So are you going to run or hide? Or is your adult, logical, rational truth brain going to override your instincts and remind you that you are indeed safe, even if personal growth is uncomfortable?

Almost all of our “irrational” fears can be traced back to one of two core fears:

  1. Fear of not being loved/accepted

  2. Fear of not being enough

For me, the former manifests in trying not to rock the boat, trying to be strong and not show emotions, taking care of everyone but feeling guilty for having my own needs and desires. A sense of isolation and being separate or different.

The second manifests in crippling perfectionism and overwhelm paralysis, feeling like I will never be able to fulfill my potential. Like I’m always failing to reach my own expectations. A sense of anxiety and lack.

I sent a poll out to my Courageously Authentic Women in Biz community and they responded with similar fears too, which I could easily trace back to the core two fears of not being loved, not being enough, or a little of both.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

I AM NOT LOVED (fear of rejection) … this could also be the flip of not enough: being TOO MUCH.

  • What people will think?

  • I’ll fail and push people away.

  • Being open and vulnerable will lead to being misunderstood or judged.

  • What if no one else will want to join me?

  • Fear of judgment or rejection.

  • Fear of success!

I AM NOT ENOUGH

  • I will never attract paying clients.

  • I feel incapable and unworthy.

  • I’m afraid of failing.

  • I’m afraid of not being enough.

  • I don’t have a unique experience to connect with others.

  • Who am I to be a (insert your type of business here)?

  • I’ll never be successful because I’m not a high performer.

  • If I put time and effort into something and fail, I’ll have wasted that time and energy.

  • I’m not cool/popular/extroverted enough to really build this into a sustainable, flourishing business or put the effort in to keep it there

  • If I need to take time to recharge and unplug for a few days, people will lose interest so I just have to push through even when my body/soul are screaming for rest.

  • I am afraid of not having enough time to achieve everything I want, both in business and in life. I have all these great things I want to do, but I don’t have the time to get to them and in turn I won’t be as successful as I feel I can be...

  • Fear of not finishing what I started and dreamed of.

  • Not having enough time to build a business while raising children, and having to sacrifice time with kids and partner. Will it all be worth it?

The crazy thing is that we are all the same. We all struggle with different flavors of the same fundamental “stuff” of being human.

When we get out of our heads, and realize that we aren’t alone, the fear starts to dissipate!

This is why I freaking LOVE being a life coach.

Because you can do all the personal development. Go to all the motivational seminars.

But sometimes we need someone else to guide us through the actual work of processing and releasing our fears and doubts, to guide us back to our truth and reflect back what we can’t yet see in ourselves - how powerful and whole and lovable we really are already.

This is why I’ve created a new 3 part mindset training, jamming on some of the most common fears that limit female entrepreneurs from reaching our full potential, as well as a secret to “manifesting” our dreams that I haven’t seen anyone else in the world talk about yet.

I’m calling it LET IT HAPPEN - get out of your head and create an inspired business.

Let’s stop trying to force or push through... and surrender to what feels easy.

We are going deep, we are doing the work, we are going to make some major shifts together!

xo Anna



Journal prompts for each phase of your moon cycle (free e-book!)

2019Anna Locke
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Although you might not realize it, you’re already living your life through cycles and routines. Throughout the year we experience the changing seasons of nature. Every morning and evening you have a routine to start and end your day (even if it’s as simple as brushing your teeth and setting your alarm). Even though it’s easy to get caught in the constant “busy” of our modern lives, tuning back into the cyclical ebb and flow of nature and our own female bodies can help us stay grounded, calm, and protect us from burning out or losing sight of our priorities. I’ve found that creating a regular journaling practice can be one of the easiest and most accessible ways to tap into the wisdom inside of us and gain a deeper understanding of our physical, mental, and emotional health.

Ever since I was a little girl I loved to journal. At first it was a way for me to record my thoughts about life, express my emotions, leave my fears and frustrations on the page, make sense of the craziness inside my creative, introverted, sensitive mind. After I quit the birth control pill, I was amazed to re-discover my body’s natural rhythms through the ebb and flow of my hormones and menstrual cycle.

We aren’t usually taught how to take advantage of these energetic shifts that we experience throughout the year or month, but when we pause to bring a deeper awareness to where we’re at in our cycle we can unlock so many hidden “superpowers” like an instant connection to our intuition, deeper relationships, the ability to clearly communicate our ideas and vision, an ability to rest and renew our energy, and more. It’s pretty much endless and completely mind blowing!

Instead of viewing our cycle as a curse or hormones as something to be managed and controlled, we can allow ourselves to truly embody what it means to be a woman, endlessly shifting and changing and YES, emotional and deep and wild.

Where to start?

It’s tempting to go down the rabbit hole of books and courses and apps, but I always recommend starting with where you’re at when it comes to tracking your cycle, since our bodies are all different. If you bleed on a semi-regular basis (whether or not you’re on the pill or using hormonal birth control), count the first day of bleeding as Day One, and track the days from there until your next bleed. After 2-3 cycles, you might start to notice patterns in your energy, mood, mindset, etc throughout the month, which you can use to inform your routine, self care, when you schedule social events or big work projects, etc.

In this post I’ll share some of my favorite journal prompts for every day, as well as for each “phase” or season of your cycle so you can tap deeper into your intuition and pull out insights and guidance.

The four inner seasons of your cycle

Our menstrual cycle can be compared to the 28 day cycle of the moon, although our bodies are more complex so you most likely won’t bleed like clockwork every time the moon is full or new, and that’s ok! I like drawing comparisons between our hormone cycle and the energetic attributes of the four seasons, or the phases of the moon.

>> you may or may not experience any or all of these “seasons” throughout the course of your own cycle. This is why it’s so important to track YOUR energy and get to know your own body. This practice is not exclusive to menstruating women. It is for anyone who identifies as female, anyone who experiences a cycle, or anyone who does not have a physical cycle but is interested in exploring their feminine (as in “yin,”  not gendered) energy.

Winter // New Moon

When you’re on your period, you’re moving through the menstrual phase of your cycle, which can be compared to the season of winter, or the new moon. Your energy is drawn inward and it’s a season of rest and renewal before we emerge back into the world. This is a time to pause and slow down, and reflect on your goals or set new intentions for the cycle ahead.

Spring // Waxing Moon

After your period, you move into your follicular phase as your hormones start to kick back into gear to prepare your body to release another egg, and with that comes a surge of fresh energy much like the season of spring. This phase can be compared to the waxing moon or first quarter moon, the time that the moon is growing from new to full. It’s a transitional phase of new beginnings that can feel quite motivating or even overwhelming if you try to do too much too soon.

Summer // Full Moon

After the follicular phase comes ovulation, when your body releases an egg that will either be fertilized if you’re pregnant, or more likely travel down your fallopian tubes and be shed at your next period. This phase feels like summer - a time to pause again but in celebration of life and warm weather. It’s a great time to put your work into the world, socialize, and take advantage of the potent energy of the full moon.

Autumn // Waning Moon

After the peak of ovulation, your hormones will do a bit of a rollercoaster which can cause physical or emotional turbulence we call PMS. Like the season of autumn, this time can feel messy and stormy as we release what’s no longer serving us just as the leaves fall from the trees in preperation for winter to come. This season relates to the waning moon, the transition between full to new, as the earth’s shadow starts to cover the surface of the moon and it appears to shrink in the sky. This is a potent and magical time that can be full of insights and creativity if we channel our turbulent energy in productive ways, but we also have to make sure to start slowing down so we can rest during our coming winter. You might notice that if you push yourself too hard during this time, you’ll burn out or breakdown. It’s all part of the process!

  • We tend to focus on the new moon and full moon, but the transitional times in between are just as powerful (if not more so).. Lots of turbulent energy. That's why I've provided extensive journal prompts for inner spring and especially inner autumn, a wonderful time to dig deep and release since we tend to feel more emotionally turbulent in the week before our period.

How to use these prompts

You might be thinking either “yay, I love journaling!” or “ugh, I hate journaling.”

Either way, approach this practice with a beginner’s mind, because it’s a different kind of writing than you may have done before.

I recommend taking a stream-of-conscious approach to these prompts. Don’t overthink, don’t judge or censor yourself, and remember that you’re collecting data like a scientist. This journaling isn’t meant to be read by anyone other than you.

It might be helpful to create a bedtime routine so you can reflect back on the previous day. Keep a notebook next to your bed and set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes if you need some structure to stay accountable for getting it done. Remember that this isn’t an “all or nothing” thing, even 1-2 minutes counts!

Start with the daily prompts, and then once you start to recognize the ebb and flow of your own inner seasons, you can add in the seasonal prompts, or use them during the phases of the moon to bring more intention to your work and life!

Daily Prompts

  • What cycle day is it? (first day of bleeding is day 1)

  • How do I feel physically?

  • How do I feel mentally?

  • How do I feel energetically?

  • What is my body telling me?

  • What is my intuition telling me

  • What do I need right now?

Inner Winter/New Moon Prompts

  • What can I let go of?

  • What new intentions am I planting?

  • Where is life taking me right now?

  • What is pulling on my heart?

  • Anything else I need to know?

  • How can I give myself 1% more compassion and grace?

  • What does my inner Wise Woman (80 year old self) want me to know?

Inner Spring // Waxing Moon Prompts

  • What do you want to make happen this cycle? (brainstorm your plan!)

  • What new opportunities or projects do you feel called to begin?

  • Create some positive affirmations that resonate with you

  • How do you want to define “success” this cycle? This year? This season of life?

  • What are your top 3 business priorities right now?

  • Top 3 personal priorities?

  • How can you show up this week and honor your priorities?

  • How can you move your business forward in alignment with your new energy?

  • How can you pace yourself and surrender control over the outcome?

  • Imagine yourself as a little girl - happy and free. What does she want you to know?

Inner Summer // Full Moon Prompts

  • What can I celebrate right now?

  • What or who am I grateful for?

  • What does the concept of “open hearted” mean to me?

  • What do I desire right now?

  • What can I receive right now?

  • How can I slow down and trust that everything I am manifesting and creating is already on its way?

  • Connect with your inner Mother or Goddess archetype, the nurturing and expansive creative force inside of you. What does she want you to know?

Inner Autumn // Waning Moon Prompts

  • Connect with your inner Wild Woman archetype. What does she want you to know?

  • What is no longer working?

  • What can I release?

  • What fears or limiting beliefs am I holding?

  • What open projects or conversations are draining my energy? What can I bring to completion right now?

  • How can I surrender?

  • What self-sabotaging behaviors keep coming back to haunt you (the ones you’ve been “working on” for years but can’t seem to “get rid of”)?

  • Where are you doing something that doesn’t feel like you?

  • What do you fear is the worst that could happen if you allow the world to see who you “really” are?

  • What are you angry about?

  • What are your needs? What’s yours to own, and what isn’t? Where do you need to stand firm and set a boundary?

  • What are you ashamed about?

  • What fears are manifesting for you right now?

  • What is your inner critic saying to you? What is the underlying message?

Further Resources

If you'd like to learn more about living in sync with your cycle, I’ve created my program Wild Synchronicity to empower women to learn how to live in flow with the hormone rollercoaster, and to learn how to take advantage of our unique strengths in each phase of our cycle.

The Book of She and The Way of the Happy Woman by Sara Avant Stover

Adore Your Cycle e-book by Claire Baker (Claire also has amazing e-courses for connecting with your cycle and creativity!)

Red Moon by Miranda Gray

Lunar Abundance by Ezzie Spencer

Moon Time: Harness the ever-changing energy of your menstrual cycle by Lucy Pearce


(this post contains affiliate links, so if you end up ordering a book I may receive a small kickback at no extra cost to you! yah abundance!)