The other week I shared an Instagram poll asking what you need to feel some semblance of life balance (or at least sanity) especially during the pandemic, and the overwhelmingly common response was ALONE TIME!
Just some space where your brain isn’t zinging around multitasking between all your work and home obligations (while also if you’re a mom, keeping the tiny humans alive and out of mortal harm).
All you want is some time for yourself… but when you do get a blessed 15 minutes you’re so overwhelmed by choosing what you should do from the 1429348934234 “should’s” on your mental list you end up standing in the kitchen scrolling Instagram until you’re late for your meeting or the baby wakes up. And then feeling guilty that you feel resentful, and frustrated that you squandered your precious me time! It is a lose lose!
Or does it have to be??
(This post isn’t even going to crack the surface of the GUILT that pops up when we *gasp* spend our attention and focus on ourselves instead of our kid/partner/coworkers/friend/dog.)
So let’s chat about taking back control of not just our time, but our brain space, so we can feel rejuvenated in the little random cracks and break out of the constant mental/emotional overwhelm and guilt trap.
First of all, this might blow your mind but you don’t actually have to fill every crack of your day with productivity.
We live in a capitalist society that brainwashes us into believing that our value and worth as a human depends on what we get done, but that simply isn’t true! It took me lots of practice to train my brain to relax and allow myself to simply chill, and especially with a toddler and two businesses I’m constantly three steps ahead to keep the balls in the air … but make sure to give yourself some structured white space in your schedule so you can let your nervous system settle down.
If you’re afraid that you’ll drop the ball on something vital and important, creating a visual of your main priorities can be very helpful in reducing anxiety and seeing that you DO have time to chill and take alone time.
Here’s an easy system to hack your schedule and get realistic about your time management and responsibilities:
Print this 24/7 weekly planner sheet. Fill in the hours on the left most column, starting with the time you wake up or whatever makes the most sense to you.
On the back or a separate sheet of paper, make 4 lists:
My NON-NEGOTIABLES (the things where you or someone else will literally suffer harm if you don’t show up for it. Think - work, sleep, childcare, eating. These are the things you NEED to do, that no one else can do for you. Assess the NON-NEGOTIABLES and see if there’s anything you can delegate to someone else.
what I feel like I SHOULD do, in order to make life run smoothly (clean the bathrooms etc. Be ruthless in assessing what actually improves the quality of your life vs. what you can drop or ask someone else to do)
what I WANT to do (for others - like, activities or play dates etc.)
what I WANT to do (for myself - give yourself permission to really think about this!)
On the planner, grab some fun colored pencils or markers to label and color in the time blocks you spend on your NON-NEGOTIABLES. How much sleep do you actually need to feel your best? Schedule that in, too! Don’t forget to include travel/prep/transition time. Maybe double the transition time you think you need especially if tiny humans are involved, lol.
Look at the white space! This is your flex time. You get to spend it however you want.
See how you can fit the WANTS into your white space and block them out.
If there is extra space, add the SHOULD’s. If there is no space, drop the ‘should’s’ or ask someone else to do it.
Finally, ask yourself: what support do you need in order to complete the WANTS? Communicate your schedule with your partner/support system and tag-team so you can all get your WANTS met, at least occasionally if not weekly or daily.
You can do this planning ritual at the start of every week, use the same weekly planner for a month or longer if your life is somewhat predictable, even do a separate planner for each phase of your cycle. Whatever makes sense!
I love this process because life is always changing on at least a weekly basis, so it gives you an opportunity to shift, pivot, and make sure you’re always making time for the things that are most important to you.
Finding (making) time for yourself
If you’re reading this and still thinking “ok that sounds great but I literally don’t have time for self care or all the things I want to do!!” … yes there are seasons of life where we have to sacrifice more of ourselves.
But if there is truly no end in sight, consider your burnout a red flag to make some intentional changes in your life. Whether that’s quitting your job, cutting back on hours, getting a new job, or adding more work hours, enlisting in more support or childcare.
Get honest with yourself about how you are actually spending your time.
Maybe you don’t want to sacrifice sleep to get in a 60 minute yoga class every morning. Can you do a 15 min of yoga 3 days a week?
Can you play around and experiment with your family rhythm and routines so you have space for yourself (can you ask your partner to step in?)
Letting the seasons of life ebb and flow
Sometimes, you just need to give yourself the gift of letting time pass. This is something I’ve learned with having a baby - it seems like they grow and develop through a new phase every other week.
Instead of letting the bad news send you into a doom spiral, or trying to fix your mindset blocks, or hack your baby’s sleep schedule.. Just lean into it and trust that it’s only a phase and won’t last forever.
This also helps me remember to be present and appreciate the good times even harder, because they are passing too.
We live in a culture of immediate gratification.
But it won’t all happen at once.
How can we stretch our comfort zones into letting go of our self imposed timelines and trusting the process?
Ultimately, that is the key.
Trust.
Trust in ourselves. Our kids. Our work. The timeline.
Give yourself patience and grace as it all unfolds.
You are doing it <3