Spring in the City + Weekend Recap!

The tulips right now are INSANELY GORGEOUS! It's been a perfect tulip spring. I took this picture with my iPhone 4 camera, can't get over those colors.

And just like that, summer has arrived in Chicago and the entire city is waking up. It always feels like we go straight from 40s to 80s, typical Midwest climate rollercoaster!

May is probably my favorite month here. The trees are getting greener every single day, the flowers are glorious, the days are long, and on the weekends everyone is outside either brunching, gardening, or running. It’s like a big collective “exhale” after surviving another brutal winter, a joyful and calm buzz in the air before the oppressive heat arrives.

For the past few months I’ve been making an intentional effort to turn off “work mode” on the weekends and live my life. This sounds so obvious, but it’s been really hard for me to transition out of full time employee + night/weekend side hustler into full time self employed creative entrepreneur, especially since my job revolves around social media and staying plugged in and connected. It's been SO SO SO freaking hard to define boundaries and balance, even though it's been nine months since I quit my job. I was constantly thinking about my to-do list, my business, and new ideas, to the point that it was driving me insane and preventing me from really being present and fulfilled. Even though on paper I’m literally living the dream, on the inside I was still feeling desperate, stressed, and trapped in the endless cycle of “never good enough.”

After a few months of implementing a daily journaling practice, completing a session of Jess Lively’s Life With Intention Online e-course (SO worth it!), consistently working through The Artist’s Way, getting an amazing life coach Cady to help me process this huge career/life/identity transition, and slowly giving myself permission to back off and have more fun, I’m feeling like I’m finally settling into my groove and finding myself. It feels amazing! The warm weather, sunshine, and flowers are just icing on the cake. Last week was the first week I can remember NOT having any anxiety or feeling overwhelmed. I'm learning how to trust myself, let go of my ridonkulous expectations, go with the flow, and embrace being a beginner!

May has always been my spontaneous, drop everything and carpe the heck out of the diem month. Time to come out of winter hermit mode and live outdoors! This weekend was perfect.

Ben and I have lived in our apartment for almost three years, but we’ve never really connected with any of our neighbors until recently. It’s so fun to have friends in the same building as you. Friday night we met up for game night and played Ticket to Ride with wine and dinner.

Nope, this is most definitely not our house. Yet...

Saturday was the warmest day of the year so far, one of those glorious perfect sunshine-y days that beg to be spent outdoors. We ended up wandering around Wicker Park, feasting our eyes on the gorgeous gardens and old mansions and then went out for a run.

I'm finally in shape enough to be able to run WITH Ben instead of dying and feeling discouraged and frustrated. It’s amazing! And really ironic, since I haven’t even been trying to run more. I 100% credit Insanity and Shaun T for giving me insane cardio endurance and speed!

After running past lots of people cleaning up their yards, we were inspired to go to Home Depot and pick up some gardening supplies and gave our dirty concrete yard a mini-makeover.

Our building is ancient, poorly maintained, and I think of it as "gross," but I'm sick of complaining, feeling resentful that I don't have an updated kitchen etc, so I'm going to take ownership and make the best of what we have right now! I've been craving outdoor space, so now I have a tiny corner on the front porch where I can sit in the mornings to drink coffee, listen to the birds, and journal to start my day with stillness and peace! I'm going to start coming to you from Behind the Fern up there on the porch ;)

On Sunday I went to my favorite fitness studio The Barre Code for a big meetup with some other girls from the Chicago Tone It Up community. We were treated to a killer interval class, free socks, fun swag, and a free week of classes! 

Afterwards we headed out for brunch and mimosas and I ended up making several new friends and talking for hours. I feel so incredibly lucky to live in a big city where I can network and meet other women with similar goals and perspectives. I’ve made so many amazing friends through Instagram since I started my health and fitness account almost two years ago! Kind of like online dating for girlfriends...haha.

I also devoured this amazing book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, over the weekend. It’s all about how to simplify your life by letting go of possessions that don’t “spark joy” so you can live more spaciously and stop being bogged down with clutter and chaos. This book came into my life at the PERFECT time. My mind has been feeling so calm and clear lately, and I want my home and work space to reflect that. I can never feel calm or focused and I think it’s because of the clutter. We always complain about the lack of storage space in our apartment, but in reality we just have too much unnecessary stuff!

I can’t wait to start purging and de-cluttering our apartment! I’ll keep you updated on how it goes…

Did you do anything fun over the weekend?
What's your favorite part of spring?

xo Anna

p.s. TODAY (Monday) is the last day to order Mother's Day scarves from the shop! I've added a convenient "Ready to Ship" section for the designs that are just waiting to be gift wrapped and popped into the mail :)

Thoughts on 28

WAAAAAAA I’m 28 now, as of April 26th.

I’ve been looking forward to being 28 for a while because for some reason it just feels a lot more sophisticated than 27, but I was surprised that it ended up being a super emotional birthday weekend! Probably because 27 was such an emotional year for me. Definitely the hardest, biggest, most challenging, rollercoaster year of my life so far. It was the year I finally decided to take control and ownership of my life.

Also emotional because I didn't fully grasp how many people I've met and connected with over the past year! I was flooded with love all weekend and absolutely humbled. Thank you thank you everyone for supporting me through this crazy ride, like-ing all my overly emotional posts on Facebook, signing up for all my random groups, trusting me, and listening to me vent as I figure out what I'm doing with my life!

This whole month of April has been a whirlwind of family, holidays, travel, friends, old and new worlds colliding. I’ve been spending a lot of time simply processing all the personal and professional growth that I’ve experienced over the past several months.

To add to the emotional overwhelm, my beautiful coaches made this Happy Birthday montage video for me, I mean WHAT! So completely humbled and grateful and also crazy to look back at everything that's happened! And so freaking blessed to have all these incredible women in my life. This is why I coach :) I LOVE MY TEAM!

The thing is, when you’re living in the present moment and taking life day by day, it’s easy to feel stuck and really hard to see and feel how fast you’re actually moving. Kind of like being in a car on the highway--you're ACTUALLY moving 70 mph but in your little bubble inside the car you feel like you're sitting still until you look out the window at the world whizzing by. This month I started to look out the window. So much is still the same as it was last year. I have the same goals and dreams and fears, but at the same time so much is different.

So what has happened in the past year? What's possible when you decide to tell yourself "I know I am meant for more" and then go for it?

Last April I was finishing up a hectic school outreach season at the zoo, just getting started with my brand new coaching business, and I spent my birthday weekend in southern Illinois at an Environmental Educators conference. I was stressed out, overwhelmed, but excited for the future. 

This time last year, I knew big shifts and changes were starting to happen. I could feel something happening inside of me, and it’s almost freaky to read my words because it’s like I was making a prophecy for my own life.

Straight from my journal one year ago, right after I signed up to be a Beachbody coach:
(can't believe I'm posting this on the internet...)

---

3/5/14

“In February I started to feel the shift inside of me. This is huge, revolutionary. I have not felt this since the first weekend at Augie I met Ben. The quiet, strong certainty that THIS is happening. No rush. But it’s going to happen. I am going to make it happen. I’m exhilarated, nervous, TERRIFIED, excited, all the same physical reactions in my gut. I have good intuition, I can read people, I know myself, my strengths, what I am capable of achieving if the desire is there, the power is with it.

I’ve been a bystander and a lurker and a sponge for years, while I struggle to find a “job” and figure out my “career” and freak out about the future, what will happen, what do I do after we have kids, well now the answer is so clear and obvious, staring me in the face. Just be MYSELF. Stop trying to fit society’s mold, stop chasing what I think of as “success” but can never define or pinpoint. I want to record these feelings, this transition, this moment, this year.

Because this is the year that will alter and shape the rest. of. my. life.

I am growing into my potential.

I finally feel legitimate.

I am terrified that this won’t be sustainable long term, but if I work hard and have the balls I really know it can.”

---

WOW.

And so I decided to go for it. I decided to start opening up, being more real, going deeper, believing that I was made for something bigger.

I dove headfirst into Beachbody coaching, finished the spring classroom outreach portion of my job at the zoo, spent the summer mentoring 16 teenage interpretation interns while building my coaching team and running challenge groups on the side, trying to keep my blog and Etsy shop alive, throwing and attending bridal showers and bachelorette parties, playing in the city. In the fall I threw caution to the wind and cut ties with my job one year sooner than I originally planned, flew to Dallas for my first Beachbody event, and it’s been an entrepreneurial rollercoaster of business growth and personal discovery. Lots and lots of growing pains!

But I’m finally learning how to relax and trust myself.

Trust that I don't have to work hard and hustle to prove my self worth and be "successful."

Trust that I AM IN CONTROL of what "success" means, and that I was created to be joyful and happy, not stressed and anxious.

For my birthday weekend this year, my two best friends from childhood (who also share April birthdays!) came up to the city and we celebrated with wine, brunch, a trip to the Shedd Aquarium, Japanese BBQ, and simply soaked it all in. We’re reaching a transition into a new phase of life, we aren’t “old” yet but we feel older. We’re thinking seriously about relationships, careers, babies, money, all these big serious topics.

I am ready for 28.

I know it’s going to be another huge year, but in a different way. I am more stable, more confident, and I’m ready to take my life and business to the next level!

This year I want to be aware of the bigger picture, but I also want to focus on being present and appreciating every step of the journey, no matter how far away I still am from my ultimate dreams. I am living the dream every single day.

I want to have less stress, less hustle, less pressure, less perfectionism.

More ease, more creativity, more fun, more time with the people I love.

More time spent connecting to the wide-eyed, creative, enthusiastic little girl I used to be, the little girl who spent her days writing and drawing and creating imaginary worlds and dreaming of being an author, an artist, a designer and Olympic gymnast.

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

— Danielle LaPorte

I remember. And I'm going to finally honor that little girl and keep writing, keep reading, keep painting, creating, and pushing my body to its physical limits because moving my body gives me so much joy. Isn't it crazy how we always knew who we were meant to be, but then we let the world dictate our lives? We listen to the world that tells us "those dreams are dumb and unrealistic." Why do we believe those lies? Why do we let ourselves believe that we're never good enough to get what we actually want out of life? What do you TRULY want? What did you used to believe? That's your truth. Those dreams are your purpose.

I have huge plans and new dreams that give me butterflies and still make me afraid, dreams SO big I've never allowed myself to even think about them, but I know everything will unfold exactly when it’s supposed to, because I know I’m exactly where I need to be. I'm going to breathe into the fear and turn the anxiety into excitement. 

Here's to a new year! Thank you so much for sharing the ride with me :)

xo Anna

Your life is a body of work

“Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.”

— Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

The last couple of weeks have been surreal. So many full circle moments, so many hours and months and years of work and searching and struggling are coming together in a powerful wave. In Cancun I saw a glimpse of my future, and then as soon as we flew home I was plunged into a blast from the past. The Association of American Geographers (AAG) Conference is hosted in Chicago this week, so all my old friends and colleagues from Penn State are in town. On top of that, my two best friends from childhood are coming this weekend to celebrate our 28th birthdays!

My future, my past, my present. All that matters is the last one, the here and now, but it’s weird when you actually pause and look UP from the daily grind to recognize and acknowledge how far you've come.

Last night I found myself in a crowded room on the 43rd floor of the Swisshotel overlooking the lights of Navy Pier at a PSU Geography “Alumni and Friends” reception, explaining to all my old colleagues and my advisor that I’ve jumped ship on academia to become an online health and fitness coach and creative entrepreneur. I haven’t seen most of these people in four years, since I graduated and left Happy Valley in 2011. Everyone looks a few years older, but still the same, but I was struck the most by how much I have changed.

Maybe not changed, but I've grown up and developed a lot of perspective and self confidence. When I entered my masters program I was only 22, fresh out of college with no clue what I wanted to do when I grew up. That’s when I started this blog!  Oh how far I've come.

I used to count tree rings, analyze historical photographs, make maps, and hike in the mountains for a living. It was fun, it was meaningful, and it was two of the best years of my life.

I loved it because I love trees, learning how humans have impacted the environment, making a bigger difference, and being part of a tight knit community like my lab group. I like to know that I’m making a bigger difference in the world by being myself and sharing my skills and knowledge.

Even though I’m not directly using my science degrees right now, I am the sum of all my experiences and I wouldn’t be here, now, in this present moment, without my past. In grad school I learned what mattered to me, I learned how to push myself and expand my comfort zone. I learned that I'm happiest when I'm in the mountains surrounded by big trees, and that having people in my life who "get me" is incredibly important. I made lifelong friends, dabbled in the ivory tower world of academic conferences and thought sharing, fell in love with field work, and published a paper.

After I graduated I spent four years trying to figure out my “path.” Well, after a lot of experimentation, stress, failure, success, sacrifice, fun jobs, WHY MEEEE moments, and meeting a lot more interesting and inspiring people along the way, I’ve finally accepted that I don’t have one true calling. I want to be free do it all, or at least be free to incorporate everything I love into my life and career. I know that we can't do everything all at once, but I'm happy to make the most of the present moment and immerse myself fully into the stage of life I'm in without worrying about what it means, or what the future holds.

Because the fact is, every random side job, hobby, degree, career path, relationship, and phase of life combines into who you are.

Have you ever felt stuck in a job, but were afraid to leave it because it’s what you went to school for, what you went into debt for, what you invested years of your life for, what your family expects you to do? I want to challenge you to start shifting your mindset and start thinking about what REALLY matters to you. No experience is ever wasted because it’s either a stepping stone, a learning experience, or both. Everything you’ve ever done is a chapter of your legacy, your body of work.

Marie Forleo calls it being multipassionate, and Pamela Slim describes it as being a multipotentialite. The labels and words don't matter, but it's a concept that no one has ever offered me before, an opportunity to give myself permission to be myself, to stop feeling inadequate or worthless because I don't have it all figured out.

“You’ve spent your whole life flitting from interest to interest, maybe pursuing a handful of projects at any one time. All of this jumping around has felt amazing. But if you stop to ponder your path for too long, it starts to worry you...And then you discover that you are a multipotentialite. Suddenly it all makes sense. You realize that you are not broken or noncommittal or afraid of your own success...you don’t have a singular calling, you have many. The zigzagging, the sporadic obsessions, the weird interdisciplinary projects, they all now fit.” (Pamela Slim, Body of Work)

I read that passage on the beach in Cancun, alone in my thoughts with the waves crashing in the distance, and it was one of the biggest “aha” breakthrough moments of my life. So I am going to keep running with it, keep exploring, keep challenging my limits, and most of all keep chasing the people, experiences, and opportunities that make me feel like myself.

Everything I know I’ve learned through my journey, and the story is still unfolding each and every day.

xo Anna