WAAAAAAA I’m 28 now, as of April 26th.
I’ve been looking forward to being 28 for a while because for some reason it just feels a lot more sophisticated than 27, but I was surprised that it ended up being a super emotional birthday weekend! Probably because 27 was such an emotional year for me. Definitely the hardest, biggest, most challenging, rollercoaster year of my life so far. It was the year I finally decided to take control and ownership of my life.
Also emotional because I didn't fully grasp how many people I've met and connected with over the past year! I was flooded with love all weekend and absolutely humbled. Thank you thank you everyone for supporting me through this crazy ride, like-ing all my overly emotional posts on Facebook, signing up for all my random groups, trusting me, and listening to me vent as I figure out what I'm doing with my life!
This whole month of April has been a whirlwind of family, holidays, travel, friends, old and new worlds colliding. I’ve been spending a lot of time simply processing all the personal and professional growth that I’ve experienced over the past several months.
To add to the emotional overwhelm, my beautiful coaches made this Happy Birthday montage video for me, I mean WHAT! So completely humbled and grateful and also crazy to look back at everything that's happened! And so freaking blessed to have all these incredible women in my life. This is why I coach :) I LOVE MY TEAM!
The thing is, when you’re living in the present moment and taking life day by day, it’s easy to feel stuck and really hard to see and feel how fast you’re actually moving. Kind of like being in a car on the highway--you're ACTUALLY moving 70 mph but in your little bubble inside the car you feel like you're sitting still until you look out the window at the world whizzing by. This month I started to look out the window. So much is still the same as it was last year. I have the same goals and dreams and fears, but at the same time so much is different.
So what has happened in the past year? What's possible when you decide to tell yourself "I know I am meant for more" and then go for it?
Last April I was finishing up a hectic school outreach season at the zoo, just getting started with my brand new coaching business, and I spent my birthday weekend in southern Illinois at an Environmental Educators conference. I was stressed out, overwhelmed, but excited for the future.
This time last year, I knew big shifts and changes were starting to happen. I could feel something happening inside of me, and it’s almost freaky to read my words because it’s like I was making a prophecy for my own life.
Straight from my journal one year ago, right after I signed up to be a Beachbody coach:
(can't believe I'm posting this on the internet...)
“In February I started to feel the shift inside of me. This is huge, revolutionary. I have not felt this since the first weekend at Augie I met Ben. The quiet, strong certainty that THIS is happening. No rush. But it’s going to happen. I am going to make it happen. I’m exhilarated, nervous, TERRIFIED, excited, all the same physical reactions in my gut. I have good intuition, I can read people, I know myself, my strengths, what I am capable of achieving if the desire is there, the power is with it.
I’ve been a bystander and a lurker and a sponge for years, while I struggle to find a “job” and figure out my “career” and freak out about the future, what will happen, what do I do after we have kids, well now the answer is so clear and obvious, staring me in the face. Just be MYSELF. Stop trying to fit society’s mold, stop chasing what I think of as “success” but can never define or pinpoint. I want to record these feelings, this transition, this moment, this year.
Because this is the year that will alter and shape the rest. of. my. life.
I am growing into my potential.
I finally feel legitimate.
I am terrified that this won’t be sustainable long term, but if I work hard and have the balls I really know it can.”
And so I decided to go for it. I decided to start opening up, being more real, going deeper, believing that I was made for something bigger.
I dove headfirst into Beachbody coaching, finished the spring classroom outreach portion of my job at the zoo, spent the summer mentoring 16 teenage interpretation interns while building my coaching team and running challenge groups on the side, trying to keep my blog and Etsy shop alive, throwing and attending bridal showers and bachelorette parties, playing in the city. In the fall I threw caution to the wind and cut ties with my job one year sooner than I originally planned, flew to Dallas for my first Beachbody event, and it’s been an entrepreneurial rollercoaster of business growth and personal discovery. Lots and lots of growing pains!
But I’m finally learning how to relax and trust myself.
Trust that I don't have to work hard and hustle to prove my self worth and be "successful."
Trust that I AM IN CONTROL of what "success" means, and that I was created to be joyful and happy, not stressed and anxious.
For my birthday weekend this year, my two best friends from childhood (who also share April birthdays!) came up to the city and we celebrated with wine, brunch, a trip to the Shedd Aquarium, Japanese BBQ, and simply soaked it all in. We’re reaching a transition into a new phase of life, we aren’t “old” yet but we feel older. We’re thinking seriously about relationships, careers, babies, money, all these big serious topics.
I am ready for 28.
I know it’s going to be another huge year, but in a different way. I am more stable, more confident, and I’m ready to take my life and business to the next level!
This year I want to be aware of the bigger picture, but I also want to focus on being present and appreciating every step of the journey, no matter how far away I still am from my ultimate dreams. I am living the dream every single day.
I want to have less stress, less hustle, less pressure, less perfectionism.
More ease, more creativity, more fun, more time with the people I love.
More time spent connecting to the wide-eyed, creative, enthusiastic little girl I used to be, the little girl who spent her days writing and drawing and creating imaginary worlds and dreaming of being an author, an artist, a designer and Olympic gymnast.
I remember. And I'm going to finally honor that little girl and keep writing, keep reading, keep painting, creating, and pushing my body to its physical limits because moving my body gives me so much joy. Isn't it crazy how we always knew who we were meant to be, but then we let the world dictate our lives? We listen to the world that tells us "those dreams are dumb and unrealistic." Why do we believe those lies? Why do we let ourselves believe that we're never good enough to get what we actually want out of life? What do you TRULY want? What did you used to believe? That's your truth. Those dreams are your purpose.
I have huge plans and new dreams that give me butterflies and still make me afraid, dreams SO big I've never allowed myself to even think about them, but I know everything will unfold exactly when it’s supposed to, because I know I’m exactly where I need to be. I'm going to breathe into the fear and turn the anxiety into excitement.
Here's to a new year! Thank you so much for sharing the ride with me :)