Anna Maria Locke

august thoughts on life

[Nachusa Grasslands, IL]

It's still hot outside, but at work up in the mountains every once and a while a breeze comes through that just feels so fall and I'm getting the strange and disorienting feeling that I've worked the entire summer away.  Eek! It's been a strange one. 
Spring 2011 will go down in the books as the crazy months I wrote my thesis, turned 24, got a fiance for my birthday, got my masters degree after tons of freakouts and stress, got a job (until December), and moved cross-country after more freakouts and stress. BAM just like that.

Summer 2011 is the one where I settled into life in Oregon working for TNC, which were both things I always "kind of" wanted to do [be careful what you wish for]. I work long, hard days and then just crash on the weekends and attempt to do fun things. Turns out that kind of schedule makes time pass REALLY FAST. In June when I was offered this job, I was not extremely excited because it meant Ben and I would be on opposite sides of the country for an indeterminate amount of time (2-6 months). Well, two months are up and Ben is en route as we speak (type/read?) to move in with me fiiiiinally! I am soooo happy to finally be able to have someone to share the awesomeness of Oregon with, and also to be able to travel and explore. I mean, I am living within an easy day's drive of the redwoods, Crater Lake, San Francisco, Portland, the Pacific, Tahoe, etc etc etc. I am so freaking anxious to get out and see the world!

Living alone as a woman can sometimes feel kind of confining. I am really cautious and alert all the time living in town and don't feel comfortable going too far into the wilderness all by myself. It sucks, but that is just how the world is and I do my best to claim my independence and deal with it. In addition, I have somehow followed my heart into a fiercely co-dependent relationship and just don't feel like my life is "complete" or real unless Ben is in it too, and exploring on my own just doesn't sound appealing because I end up wishing I could be sharing the experience with him.

This post is getting way more deep than I meant it to, but something about releasing your feelings into the internet is freeing and fun, isn't it? Anyways, I am watching myself grow up more and more each season, and this one is no different. Fall will be the one where Ben and I start a new chapter of our lives together, dirt poor, overeducated/underemployed but happy, and I sometimes can't believe how lucky I am.