On life transitions, new beginnings, and rolling with the changes

Good-bye, old apartment!

Last week Ben and I said farewell to our first official home together, the old walk-up apartment we've lived in since we moved to Chicago exactly three years ago.

So much can happen in three years!

Where do I even begin?

Well, right now I'm writing this post in my new office/workout room/studio in our new apartment in a different part of town. I have SPACE to breathe, to create, to feel inspired.

I never fully realized how important my environment is to my overall mental state and confidence until just this past year.

You see, our old apartment never really felt like "home" to me. It was just a crappy, crumbly, place we landed when we were just starting out here in the city. It was impossible to keep the dirt and dust at bay, our bedroom floors smelled like ancient cat pee, we only had one drawer in the kitchen, and our "second bedroom" was a closet shoved under the stairs.

Near the end of our lease, I started to finally appreciate the high ceilings, tiny little porch, and natural light, but it's easy to feel sentimental about a place when you know that you're about to leave.

I'm not trying to be negative, but it was really hard for me to find the positive. I visited my girlfriends and tried not to be jealous of their shiny kitchens, pretty decor, gorgeous views, and cozy spaces.

The truth is, I never had the confidence to take charge of my own home and believe it was worth some investment and love. I preferred to play "victim" and feel sorry for myself. I hate the critical and negative side of me who is bitter and jealous, but she ruled my life for much of the past several years. My inner and outer spaces reflected each other, and our apartment was part of my identity as a broke, struggling, under-employed, quarter life crisis girl who had no sense of direction or focused ambition.

A series of events in the winter between 2013 and 2014 flipped an ON switch deep in my core, and for the first time I started to realize that I actually had control over my life, how I felt, and what I did with my future.

I decided I was worth more. I decided to fight for my confidence and happiness. I started to share my story and my message on social media, and the rest is history, just like our old apartment on Melrose Street.

This year in particular, I've taken an intense dive deep into myself, because I know for certain that I am here on this earth to make a big difference and for the first time in my life I actually believe that I can do it. I've invested a lot of emotional energy, time, and money into personal development books, courses, and coaching to help me finally break through the stupid blocks that have been keeping me "stuck" and holding me back. The perfectionism, anxiety, and feeling of never being good enough. It's all gone, because I made a simple choice that I didn't want to feel bad about myself anymore.

So I came lightyears, but our crappy apartment stayed behind, no matter how many trips to IKEA we made to try and resuscitate it. 

I'm reaching this point in my coaching business where I can see myself growing into my full capacity as a guide and a leader, and for the first time ever I'm not scared or overwhelmed at the thought of being successful, of being seen, of having responsibility. But I still felt physically stuck in our old place, where so many old memories kept me connected to that old girl who was so insecure and controlled by fear. The fear of never feeling good enough. 

That fear is gone.

And I have now officially left it PHYSICALLY behind. Same mirror, same reflection, completely different game.

We now live in an absolutely beautiful space, in my dream neighborhood, with a dream kitchen that makes me giddy just to be in, and a back deck already strung with lights. 

Three years in the old apartment and it never felt like home. It only took one day in this new space to get that feeling I didn't even know I was craving. This is the place where all of my stagnant creativity and passion and dreams will explode into reality.

By up-leveling our living situation, I feel like I've up-leveled every single facet of my life.

I didn't expect to feel THIS happy just because of a simple move. And instead of feeling guilty or waiting for the "other shoe to drop," I'm just going to ride the high and soak it all in, because I'll never forget how far I've come to get to this place. I'm not going to diminish my joy, because if you're currently feeling stuck or working through your own story, I want to be able to show you that there is hope. You are capable of SO much, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't give up.

Is everything perfect? Of course not. And I know there are challenges ahead that I'll deal with when they come. But at a certain point, you have to shift your focus from everything that you still need to work on and improve, to everything that you already have. 

Right now, I have everything I ever wanted, and life is pretty damn good. 

xo Anna

Transformation Tuesday: Meet Grace!

I'm super excited to get back in the habit of sharing the stories of the incredible women in my online fitness challenge groups and on my coaching team! You can read all my previous success story features HERE.

Today I want to share my friend Grace's story. Grace signed up as a coach a few months ago after participating in one of my 21 Day Fix Challenges, and her transformation so far has been extra inspiring to me because she's just as committed to inner and personal growth as she is to her physical transformation and weight loss. She's only getting started and I can't wait to see where she is in another year :)

Grace, I am SO proud to watch you grow out of your comfort zone a little more each day. This is just the beginning!

Sidenote: If you've ever thought about coaching but are holding back because you haven't reached your personal health and fitness "goals" yet, I hope Grace can show you that your story is most inspiring when you're in the middle of the journey.

xo Anna

Meet Grace!

When Anna asked me to share my transformation story I thought “me? transformed?”

It’s often hard to see changes yourself, that’s the trickiest part of making healthy lifestyle changes. You put in a TON of work and look in the mirror and feel discouraged. After all, you look at yourself every day. It’s hard to see the big picture. 

In February 2014 I was exhausted. I was ignoring my Master’s program thesis like it was going to finish itself, I started a new job and I was two years into a relationship where we’d both forgotten to take care of ourselves first. 

I should first say that my new job was for a health and wellness company. Everyone, for the most part, was healthy, and not in a no-carb, skipping meals kind of way. My co-worker introduced me to the world of fitness Instagrams and Tone It Up. At first I thought she was cuckoo. She talked about Karena and Katrina (and Taylor Swift) like they were her bff’s. But then, with a little fear of missing out, I created an account myself. 

Soon, I was talking to my boyfriend about my friends Karena and Katrina and he asked when he was going to meet them : ) Having a fitness Instagram was so much more than Tone It Up, it was the accountability and the camaraderie of thousands of other women going through similar journeys. Instagram also gave me the platform to record my daily actions and modify what worked and what didn’t.

But, this is far from a love letter to Instagram. During my transformation I’ve used all different tools: MyFitnessPal, a heart rate monitor, a Fitbit and a good old notebook and pen. Keeping track of your efforts is almost like conducting your own science experiment, on YOU. 

It’s great to look to others for inspiration and motivation, but ultimately I had to look at myself and figure out what worked for me. For me, it’s daily exercise or movement. If I can’t bring myself to do anything serious, I just walk my dogs! It’s also planning meals and eliminating temptations for when stress comes knocking. It’s taking care of myself and setting an example to others. When I’m in a healthy and happy place, it makes me a better friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, a better me. 

Now that I’ve figured out my formula, I realized becoming a coach and helping others was the last piece. When I started the 21 Day Fix as a challenger, I noticed people around me making changes too. I stopped drinking Diet Coke, so did my boyfriend. I brought almonds to work in my blue container and my coworker followed suit. Not only was I sharing healthy behaviors, but I was accountable in keeping my own. And, knowing that I’ve barely tapped the potential of this coaching opportunity is the most exciting part.This time next year, I hope to be writing another transformation story.

Follow Grace's journey!
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July Life Update: Finding Calm in the Chaos

The above quote is my mantra right now. I'm doing my best to play the role of grand adventurer rather than fall back into overwhelm and victim mode because life is a little chaotic and staying focused has been a challenge! I feel most calm and in control when I have a dependable, predictable routine, and I don't think I've had a routine all summer with all our traveling and general life transitions going on.

I'm in the middle of a two week travel-free period, but instead of taking a breather to reground my life, we are MOVING! On Thursday, woohoo! We've been talking about moving into a nicer apartment for over a year, but it's always been this vague "oh wouldn't that be nice" thought in the back of my head. Now our apartment is in utter chaos with boxes everywhere, so I can't really ignore it any longer. It's official!

Between 2011 and 2012, Ben and I each moved at least 4 times, all around the country as we finished school and searched for full time jobs that were in the same zip code. It was a really crazy period full of uncertainty, so when Ben finally accepted a teaching position in Chicago three summers ago, we landed in the first apartment that caught our eye and have been here ever since.

It was a tough move for me. The day we moved in, Ben had to report to his new job, so I was the one tasked with deep cleaning and unpacking all our stuff. It was also the first time Ben and I had officially lived together and combined households, the previous tenants weren't the cleanest people in the world (to put it nicely), AND it was the first time I'd moved to a big city, so combine the stress with being 2 months out from our wedding and job hunting...yeah ok it was pretty damn stressful and I'm just glad I've made it through to the other side!

We love our neighborhood (Roscoe Village) and our 19th century walk-up has been a great first apartment, but we're more than ready to move onwards and upwards! I'm particularly ready for a fresh start, since there are so many intense memories in our current place. It's never really felt like home for me, because I haven't allowed myself to take ownership of it. (Back to that "victim" mode...). This sounds kind of dumb, but I've always held myself back and told myself I'm not worthy of having the beautiful, well designed home of my Pinterest dreams. I tell myself we can't afford to decorate, that buying pillows and furniture is a waste of money, and I've been battling this broke/struggle mentality ever since we moved to Chicago.

It's three years later though, and we've come so far. Especially me. I feel like I've grown up. I've discovered my purpose, learned how to trust myself, and am starting to extricate myself from the broke/struggle/failure victim mentality, although we're still living in the old apartment that I've given up on. I know my environment plays a huge role in my mood and self esteem, so I'm super excited to have a new home that actually matches where I'm at in my head right now!

I think I'm most excited about our kitchen upgrade. AHHHH!!! Stainless steel, granite counters, and more than one drawer??!! I officially feel like an adult now.

In other news, Ben and I are soaking up our last few weeks of summer before he goes back to school! We're trying out the new restaurants that have opened up on our neighborhood before we leave, and we're getting back in our church groove now that all our big trips are behind us. 

I don't think I've talked a lot about this, but last year we discovered and joined an amazing church community (Wicker Park Lutheran) and it's been like the missing link to my life. Just having a sense of belonging and a spiritual outlet is so important to me. This weekend we helped staff the booth at Wicker Park Fest, a great people watching opportunity ;) And we also checked out the 606, the new elevated path/park that runs through the city.

So that's the life update for now. Just trying to remain calm, enjoy summer, stay focused on my business goals, and take in all the changes that are happening!

I've discovered that it's so important to be proactive with carving out quiet time to take care of myself physically and emotionally, especially when life gets crazy. I've been waking up extra early lately to journal, read some personal development, and workout before plugging in for the day. It's easy to get sucked into "reactive mode," putting demands, to-do's, and other people's needs and agendas first, but I've been learning that it's ok not to respond to messages and emails immediately, and that I am always in control of how I feel and react to a situation!

I just finished Gabby Bernstein's Spirit Junkie and unexpectedly found myself skimming through most of the book and resonating the most with the very end of her story, which was a sign that I've come a LONG way on my own inner emotional/spiritual path. She inspired me to finally buy the entire A Course In Miracles, and I'm looking forward to digesting it this fall because I've been craving more peace, more inner stillness, more calm. I'm officially saying adios to the fear, doubt, anxiety, and insecurity that's plagued me for so long. 

I'm still figuring out the direction I want to take my coaching business, but I know for certain it involves helping women overcome the inner blocks and fear that holds us back from living up to our true capacity and loving ourselves. Stay tuned for tons more biz updates, wellness programs, and more! I'm brimming with ideas and mojo.

I hope you're able to find your own version of calm in the summer whirlwind. If you ever want to chat about life, I'm here for ya :) 

xo Anna