Your life is a body of work

“Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.”

— Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

The last couple of weeks have been surreal. So many full circle moments, so many hours and months and years of work and searching and struggling are coming together in a powerful wave. In Cancun I saw a glimpse of my future, and then as soon as we flew home I was plunged into a blast from the past. The Association of American Geographers (AAG) Conference is hosted in Chicago this week, so all my old friends and colleagues from Penn State are in town. On top of that, my two best friends from childhood are coming this weekend to celebrate our 28th birthdays!

My future, my past, my present. All that matters is the last one, the here and now, but it’s weird when you actually pause and look UP from the daily grind to recognize and acknowledge how far you've come.

Last night I found myself in a crowded room on the 43rd floor of the Swisshotel overlooking the lights of Navy Pier at a PSU Geography “Alumni and Friends” reception, explaining to all my old colleagues and my advisor that I’ve jumped ship on academia to become an online health and fitness coach and creative entrepreneur. I haven’t seen most of these people in four years, since I graduated and left Happy Valley in 2011. Everyone looks a few years older, but still the same, but I was struck the most by how much I have changed.

Maybe not changed, but I've grown up and developed a lot of perspective and self confidence. When I entered my masters program I was only 22, fresh out of college with no clue what I wanted to do when I grew up. That’s when I started this blog!  Oh how far I've come.

I used to count tree rings, analyze historical photographs, make maps, and hike in the mountains for a living. It was fun, it was meaningful, and it was two of the best years of my life.

I loved it because I love trees, learning how humans have impacted the environment, making a bigger difference, and being part of a tight knit community like my lab group. I like to know that I’m making a bigger difference in the world by being myself and sharing my skills and knowledge.

Even though I’m not directly using my science degrees right now, I am the sum of all my experiences and I wouldn’t be here, now, in this present moment, without my past. In grad school I learned what mattered to me, I learned how to push myself and expand my comfort zone. I learned that I'm happiest when I'm in the mountains surrounded by big trees, and that having people in my life who "get me" is incredibly important. I made lifelong friends, dabbled in the ivory tower world of academic conferences and thought sharing, fell in love with field work, and published a paper.

After I graduated I spent four years trying to figure out my “path.” Well, after a lot of experimentation, stress, failure, success, sacrifice, fun jobs, WHY MEEEE moments, and meeting a lot more interesting and inspiring people along the way, I’ve finally accepted that I don’t have one true calling. I want to be free do it all, or at least be free to incorporate everything I love into my life and career. I know that we can't do everything all at once, but I'm happy to make the most of the present moment and immerse myself fully into the stage of life I'm in without worrying about what it means, or what the future holds.

Because the fact is, every random side job, hobby, degree, career path, relationship, and phase of life combines into who you are.

Have you ever felt stuck in a job, but were afraid to leave it because it’s what you went to school for, what you went into debt for, what you invested years of your life for, what your family expects you to do? I want to challenge you to start shifting your mindset and start thinking about what REALLY matters to you. No experience is ever wasted because it’s either a stepping stone, a learning experience, or both. Everything you’ve ever done is a chapter of your legacy, your body of work.

Marie Forleo calls it being multipassionate, and Pamela Slim describes it as being a multipotentialite. The labels and words don't matter, but it's a concept that no one has ever offered me before, an opportunity to give myself permission to be myself, to stop feeling inadequate or worthless because I don't have it all figured out.

“You’ve spent your whole life flitting from interest to interest, maybe pursuing a handful of projects at any one time. All of this jumping around has felt amazing. But if you stop to ponder your path for too long, it starts to worry you...And then you discover that you are a multipotentialite. Suddenly it all makes sense. You realize that you are not broken or noncommittal or afraid of your own success...you don’t have a singular calling, you have many. The zigzagging, the sporadic obsessions, the weird interdisciplinary projects, they all now fit.” (Pamela Slim, Body of Work)

I read that passage on the beach in Cancun, alone in my thoughts with the waves crashing in the distance, and it was one of the biggest “aha” breakthrough moments of my life. So I am going to keep running with it, keep exploring, keep challenging my limits, and most of all keep chasing the people, experiences, and opportunities that make me feel like myself.

Everything I know I’ve learned through my journey, and the story is still unfolding each and every day.

xo Anna

Success Club 2015 Cancun Mexico Recap

OH MY GOODNESS the past week has been a whirlwind, and I’m finally stealing a quiet moment this morning to breathe, reflect, and process everything that’s happening! Life is moving so fast. This past Sunday night Ben and I flew back into chilly, rainy Chicago after four nights in paradise at the Moon Palace Resort in Cancun with 3,000 other Beachbody coaches and their families, and I will never be the same. I feel like my entire life has been rocked from the inside out, and I’m completely overwhelmed with gratitude.

If you’ve been following my posts on Instagram and Facebook lately you’ve probably been wondering how the heck we were able to go on an all expenses paid trip to a luxury resort (and yeah, it was incredibly surreal), so here’s how it happened. The Clif Notes version, if you will.

When I signed up to be a coach last year, I was at a point of inner desperation in my life, my own personal version of "rock bottom." I knew I had so much more to offer the world, but I was struggling and felt stuck. Every day I woke up with a ball of anxiety and dread in my stomach, hating the fact that I had to put on a uniform and go out and deal with responsibilities that didn't align with who I wanted to be.

I KNEW there was more to life than endless stress and an uncertain future, and even though I had no idea what I was doing or if coaching would be the answer to my problems, I decided to take a chance and figure it out along the way, because deep down under all the self hatred and "you'll never be enough" voices I felt like I was worth more. So I took a big leap of faith, followed my intuition, and signed up to coach when I bought the 21 Day Fix. I started to host one or two online accountability challenges every month for courageous and beautiful women who wanted to do the program with me. Where did these random women come from? Instagram, Facebook, my friends, co-workers, it’s amazing how many people come out of the woodwork when you start getting excited about something that’s made a hugely positive impact on your life.

Thanks to the support and trust of all those incredible client-friends, by the end of 2014 I had earned a free trip to Cancun for myself and a guest!

It’s called the Success Club Trip, an annual vacation that Beachbody hosts for coaches who achieve a certain level of growth in their businesses. One of my favorite parts of the company is how the emphasis is on living from your values, and success is defined by how many other lives you can change. We are recognized and rewarded with unforgettable experiences like this trip, a chance to unplug, spend time with our families, and connect with other coaches. Since I’m not really motivated by shiny rewards and fancy trips, I went into the experience with an open mind. It was the second major Beachbody live event I’ve attended, and the first one for Ben, and while I knew it would be fun, I had no idea what to expect.

Well, it was magical. I don’t even know where to start.

We arrived at this gorgeous resort, and were welcomed with open arms by a community of people just like us. Unbelievable. Almost the entire resort was taken over by Beachbody, including 25 other members of my upline team. So think of the most positive and happy person you know in your life--you know, the person who is almost annoying because they’re so positive--and then imagine being surrounded by THOUSANDS of people just like that, who are all feeling just as humbled and grateful as you, and who are excited to meet you and hear your story.

The memories include walking into our room complete with a king size bed, stocked mini bar, espresso maker, Jacuzzi, and a balcony overlooking the ocean. Hearing the waves every morning, feeling the warm wind, waking up early to watch the sunrise, working out live with Shaun T and Autumn Calabrese, endless fresh fruit and strawberry margaritas, laying out and talking with the girls on my team, sharing our stories and lives, just soaking in every single moment. Parties, fireworks, music, a Brazilian steakhouse dinner, making friendships with people we will grow up and grow old with. The experiences were all life changing in and of themselves, but most of all I will always remember how I felt.

It’s hard for me to put the feeling into words. The feeling of being completely and wholeheartedly accepted by thousands of strangers who are family. Complete acceptance, welcoming, belonging, community, the sense of being a vital piece of a movement that is so much bigger than you can ever comprehend. Authenticity, openness, love, positivity.

Then I realized there’s already a word that encompasses everything, and it’s been with me always. It’s one of my greatest values, and what I’ve named my very own team.

Joy.

Limitless, unbounded joy.

Light and love and the freedom to be myself.

My whole life I’ve felt like I need to try to “fit in.” I’ve never felt good enough, I’ve always felt driven to be more, do more, have more. Weigh less, be prettier. I’ve always believed I have to improve or change in order to be accepted by my peers, my co-workers, the people who sit on the other side of the interview table. I’ve been taught that hard work equals success, and that I have to mold myself to fit someone else’s definition, I have to fill an externally defined role.

Well, I am officially DONE with all that crap. I’ve finally convinced myself that I AM ENOUGH, right here, right now, and this trip put everything in perspective.

My new role? To be the best possible version of Anna. Frizzy hair, cellulite, chipped tooth, big nose, vampire white skin and all. I am overly dramatic and emotional, awkward, spazzy, I care too much, I will always be blunt, and I tend to take myself too seriously. But I've embraced all my imperfections because they make me who I am on top of everything I love about myself...my creativity, drive, determination, strength.

It’s super scary, because I can’t hide any longer, I have to open myself up and be super vulnerable, and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. But it’s also the most exhilarating. I know that I can inspire others and change lives simply by being myself, and that I can make a living in the process. I can pay the bills, and everything I’ve always wanted to do is happening. This is what Beachbody has offered me.

In Cancun I realized the full magnitude of what we are part of. Beachbody isn't just another network marketing company. It's a MOVEMENT. It's a force. It's a tribe of people who live to serve, who are passionate about making the world a better place by helping one person at a time reach their goals and live happier and healthier lives. On this trip I was surrounded by people who accepted me and welcomed me with open arms, and I didn't have to try to fit in or be someone I'm not.

I am safe. I am here. I am enough.

My mission in life is to be remembered for being a positive and inspiring influence, for helping people find joy in who they are, helping them dream bigger, and empowering them to create freedom to live THEIR purpose, and this trip embodied all of that. So powerful.

When I looked around at all the other coaches, some of whom have been doing this for years and have built entire multimillion dollar empires just by sharing what they’re passionate about, I also saw something bigger. Each individual coach represented their own piece of the movement. Each person has inspired and changed the lives of hundreds if not thousands of other people, and that’s what Beachbody is all about. Sharing your story and inspiring others to dream bigger, to live bolder, to lead happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

That feeling was incredibly personal, but it wasn’t my favorite part of the trip.

The best part was being able to share the whole experience with Ben. He has been by my side every step of my journey since I was 19 years old, and he’s been my rock through the rollercoaster ride of the past several years. Coaching is such a massive part of who I am now, but it’s impossible for someone else to share your vision until they feel it too. Being able to hang out in Mexico on a carefree, all inclusive tropical beach with other coaches and their husbands and families, just realizing that we aren’t alone, that we’re part of something SO big and powerful, was life changing. 

The second best part? Realizing that this wasn’t a once in a lifetime trip that ends when we go home and back to “reality.” This trip IS our reality now. Literally, because we are going to be able to travel more, but most of all it goes back to that feeling of joy. The most liberating part is knowing that I don’t have to be in Mexico or on vacation to feel that way, because the feeling exists inside of me always. I can trust it because I can trust myself.

I’m learning how to embrace the journey, how to NOT freak out or feel overwhelmed, how to welcome each new day with a feeling of gratitude and excitement. It’s been a long, hard, deep process but over the past several weeks I’ve been feeling one last massive internal shift, and I think this trip officially signified a new beginning. The timing was perfect, since this Sunday is my 28th birthday, and I am going to welcome my new year of life with open arms.

I’m me, it’s all good, I don’t have to struggle or hustle or strive for worthiness. I don’t have to base my sense of value and self worth on external goals or achievements or recognition, and I don't have to feel desperate or broke or financially insecure any longer. I want to live bigger, dream bigger, make shit happen, and help one woman at a time change her life too by embracing who she is meant to be. We are all perfectly imperfect, designed by a Creator who has big plans for us and wants us to be happy.

You are limitless. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

xo Anna

Beachbody does not guarantee any level of success or income from the Team Beachbody Coach Opportunity. Each Coach's income depends on his or her own efforts, diligence, and skill. See our Statement of Independent Coach Earnings located at https://images.beachbody.com/coach-office/downloads/statement_of_independent_coach_earnings.pdf for the most recent information on our Coaches' actual incomes.

relax to run fast

You know how at job interviews they always ask you some variation of the loaded question "what are your weaknesses?"

Well, let me tell you. When you start working for yourself, you figure out the true, deep, scary, vulnerable answers to that question REALFAST. 

Hi, I'm Anna and I'm a recovering workaholic, control freak, and perfectionist. 

How do I know I'm a workaholic? I don't use that term lightly. Whenever I’m going through a period of life where I feel particularly vulnerable or am struggling to define my identity, I use work and the concept of “keeping busy” as an escape mechanism to avoid confronting what's REALLY going on deep down. I learned this the hard way during my senior year of college, when Ben and I were dealing with a long distance relationship. I went through some major separation anxiety and threw myself into classes, jobs, extracurricular activities, and grad school applications as a way to avoid facing my feelings. I figured if I stayed busy I’d distract myself from missing Ben ...but obviously it backfired and I ended up burning myself out over and over and over again.

Well, apparently I didn’t learn my lesson the first time around, because I have been dealing with THE EXACT SAME WORKAHOLIC SCENARIO over the past year and a half. Instead of a long distance relationship though, I’ve been struggling to figure out my place in the world. Instead of missing my boyfriend and feeling scared about the future, I've been feeling scared to be myself. 

The past few months have been intense, and I haven't been giving myself credit. I’m slowly figuring out how to be a “successful” small business owner and entrepreneur, and I’ve been testing my limits and pushing my boundaries. The downside of going out of your comfort zone is that sometimes you push a little too far, but on the other hand it's ok to break your limits, because then you learn and grow.

What I'm learning: I spent 2014 into 2015 in a mode of desperation. 

And you know what squashes creativity and joy? Desperation.

Which is kind of a bad thing when your business, values, and ultimate self-acceptance revolve around being able to freely express your creativity and joy. 

All last spring and summer I was desperate to quit my job and coach full time, and I let that desperation pull me along and give me an excuse to spend every single waking, sleeping, breathing moment obsessing and stressing about my side business. When I finally did quit, I was like a balloon cut free. Drifting and floating, tossed by the breeze, out of control. No one told me that quitting your day job to “live the dream” doesn’t automatically make you happy and fulfilled. Instead, I found myself dealing with even MORE self doubt and anxiety because I no longer had structure or the safety of a regular paycheck. Hellooooo overwhelm!

So first I was desperate to quit my job, then I was desperate to earn money and prove myself. If quitting my job wouldn’t make me fulfilled, would I EVER feel good enough? For a good six months after I quit in August (up through this past winter) I still lived under the mentality that “more work = more success = more happiness.” I let my ego control me, and set goals based on achievements like income and money. I told myself "you'll be successful when you can make X dollars/week." I didn't know how to take time off because I was used to the weekend hustle. Hustle, hustle, hustle. I assumed that the more I worked, the more quickly my business would grow and the more stable and secure I'd feel. I'd be able to prove to myself that I could make this work!

The thing is, when you let desperation and money control your motivation, your ego flips out and starts putting all these negative voices in your head.

You’re not good enough.
You’ll never make this work.
You are stuck forever.
You are worthless.

And you have to work really really hard on yourself to build resilience to that inner critic, to learn that it doesn't speak truth and is only out to sabotage you. I knew something had to change if I wanted to actually feel complete and good enough so I finally stopped to get out of my own head and ask myself, what does success even mean to me?

Ultimately, to me, success feels like freedom. That's why I quit my job in the first place!

Freedom to create
Freedom to relax
Freedom to travel
Freedom to spend time with family and friends
Freedom to be present
Freedom to have fun
Freedom to be ME.

I DID NOT QUIT MY JOB TO KEEP THINKING AND OBSESSING ABOUT MY BUSINESS 24/7! I don't want a lifestyle driven by work, and I don't want to have to work 40+ hours/week. I want less hustle, less desperate striving, less overwhelm and anxiety. I want more ease, more space, more confidence, more flow.

So I slowly started to work on making that happen. 

In February I wrote this blog post on carving out work/life boundaries, and signed up for Jess Lively's Life With Intention Online. I started to immerse myself in learning about the ego, intuition, resistance, and everything that holds us back from accepting who we are and feeling "enough" and fulfilled. I started to establish my values, and I learned how to release my addiction to GOALS! and lead a more intentional and purpose driven life instead of depending on achievements and outcomes for self worth.

In March I started working through the book The Artist's Way, which is literally a 12-step recovery program for blocked artists, perfectionists, and workaholics. OMG life changing. I've started brain-dumping three pages of stream of consciousness writing every single morning, a habit called "morning pages" meant to process all the negativity and crap we hold in our subconscious. I'm on week 5 and I already feel a major shift happening in my mindset. I'm painting more, writing more, and feeling a lot less guilt and overwhelm.

I also signed up to do Marie Forleo's B-School through two incredibly big hearted, creative, and supportive Australian life coaches, Rachel and Tara, who have proven to me that you CAN create a thriving creative coaching career by leaning back and putting self care before hustle.

All of this intensive personal development (and a few more happenings) have combined to bring me to a really really really really freaking good place this week. It might be hormones, it might be the nicer weather, it might be the fact I'm going to Cancun with Ben tomorrow, but I think it's deeper. I think I'm finally learning to trust myself, accept my place in the journey, embrace the mess, and nurture my own creativity before giving my energy away. I'm accepting that I don't get paid for hours worked anymore! I get paid for being ME, and therefore need to invest in myself and my creativity first and foremost if I want to have a bigger impact. It's the most exhilarating yet terrifying realization I've ever confronted.

Something I'm learning from The Artist's Way is to keep an eye out for synchronicity, or signs from the universe that you're on the right path. I hit a pretty major work/life/ego speed bump last week over Easter weekend and went through some anxiety and guilt for deciding to slow down this month to focus on my priorities over work, but then this popped up on my Instagram feed. Oh hey, a sign! Then these two blog posts (do more of what brings ease + pushing through) popped up in my blog reader. More synchronicity! I think the Universe is telling me to slow down...

Rest is good. Slowing down is good. Unplugging is good. Not immediately responding to every single message or email is good. Long walks in the sunshine are good. Journaling is good. Facing the BIG PICTURE projects instead of getting distracted by the nonessential yet urgent to-do's is good.

The ironic part? All my striving and hustle from last year earned me this free all-inclusive trip to Cancun, which is coming at perfect timing. So there's another lesson--there's no such thing as mistakes. Every piece of the journey is important and meaningful, even the rough times. Sometimes you just need someone to validate what you know deep down inside. Someone to say "it's ok" to slow down and be yourself...that you're good enough already, and don't need to read any more books or take any more e-courses. If you can relate to the "desperate hustle" and are craving a more fulfilling and freedom filled life, just keep doing your thing, sister. But please stop and smell the flowers.

xo Anna

“Relax to go fast” is advice I heard from a runner. The harder you work and strain and push, the more resistance and walls you’ll face. But when you can relax your mind and muscles and simply breathe into the present moment, you’ll be able to enter this state of flow. Surrender.