This is going to be a messy, short and sweet post because it is Thursday evening, I'm waiting for Ben to walk in the door from school at any minute, and then we're going to be hitting the road to drive to Michigan to celebrate his sister Ashley and her fiancé Peter's wedding! I can't believe this weekend has finally arrived. I'm obviously really excited for Ashley and Peter, but I'm also excited for the chance to mentally and physically disconnect from my crazy world, spend some focused time with Ben, and also be able to make memories with my family, my whole wonderful in-law family, and Peter's family (who I consider my extended in-laws already...haha). It's going to be a beautiful blast.
Anyway. I wanted to throw up a post and just type from my heart because this week was amazing and needs to be documented.
The first two weeks of my self-employment adventure were unsettling, scary, and very emotional. I didn't feel like myself, didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, and it was really confusing. But I powered through, set some goals and deadlines, read and listened to as much uplifting personal development as I could, and tried to stop overthinking and overanalyzing and overplanning (the background image on my phone is literally a graphic that says "Under Think It" so I am reminded every single time I pick up my phone to get out of my head and just take ACTION). I did a lot of visioning about my personal and creative mission, allowed myself to acknowledge that I'm just starting out and I'll constantly be evolving, I don't need to be perfect right away. Basically everything is finally starting to come together.
Week three has been a breakthrough.
For the time being, I have conquered all the fear and doubt (it's still there, don't get me wrong, but I'm choosing to ignore it and smash it with my gut instinct which tells me that I am doing exactly what I should be doing, and that everything is going to work out even better than I can imagine right now).
Whenever you start to feel overwhelmingly happy or just content with life, do you ever instinctively start to second-guess yourself and suppress those emotions? Sometimes I don't feel like I DESERVE to feel happy when things are going my way. I feel like I always have to have some sort of struggle or difficulty to complain and vent about so people don't start to feel like I'm un-relatable, self absorbed, living a perfect life that is unattainable to them. Because things obviously will never be perfect, and the grass is always greener. So I start to think that "oh well, something bad will happen and crush my joy so I better tone it down and be mature and realistic."
Well, to hell with that. I am really happy right now and I am just going to acknowledge it and ride the wave. Because I'm sure there will be struggles and challenges ahead, but they are in the future. And in the present, my life is amazing. I know people are jealous of me, but I'm not going to let that affect how I feel. I am working for this! I am working my butt off every single day, doing things that normal people aren't willing to do. I wake up at 5:30 and I haven't watched TV in months. I don't even read the newspaper anymore. Every waking moment is spent either working on a project, planning, or connecting with my team and putting myself out there. If you aren't satisfied or happy with your life, figure out what is missing and then just do it! You don't have to quit your job. Just re-think where your true priorities lie.
I definitely need to work on building structure, boundaries, and work/life balance, but I'll get there (I promise, Ben!!). I am working hard to build a foundation and get myself launched, but I'm doing what I love and I wouldn't trade this for anything.
I get to play with gorgeous lace and flannel all day, walk to Starbucks in the middle of the afternoon, meet friends for lunch, and design a schedule that perfectly complements my energy levels and is not dictated by a commute, meetings, or "quitting time." I am in complete control and it is making me feel alive.
My biggest accomplishment this week was re-launching my Etsy shop and revealing my new brand, Anna Maria Locke! I've had a ridiculously large stash of fabric just sitting in my closet since last winter, and I'm finally making things happen and sewing it into gorgeous scarves! This is a huge deal for me. Go check it out!
Alright Ben's home, it's go time. Have a wonderful weekend!
