Anna Maria Locke

Just wanna hold that breath forever

The past week has been really stressful.
This time of year is always so disorienting to me, every single spring. 
It's like the weather catches me off guard, and all of a sudden it's light out and the birds are singing and flowers are blooming and it is amazing and makes me realize how much I have missed sunshine and grass, but at the same time life starts moving in fast forward and time seems strange and I feel like all the springs of the previous years are melting into one experience and I become strangely sensitive and overaware of LIFE.  Because all big changes happen in the spring.  In the winter every day is the same, cold and dark, and it's easy to start taking the passing weeks for granted.  Then all of a sudden I realize that I am speeding towards the end of another school year, the end of another mini-era, and feel like it is impossible to slow down and appreciate each moment even though that's all I want to do. I am introverted, I tend to think too much and sometimes get trapped in my introspectiveness and emotions. 
It will be so strange eventually to be done with school and not have this sensation of year's end in the middle of the calendar. 
This spring doesn't bring as many changes as the past two, and the changes are good and will bring me to a phase in my relationship that I have been waiting for since a long time ago but I have so much to get done in the next month.  The semesters end before May here, which sounded good at the beginning but now it's kind of freaking me out!! Luckily I have gained enough perspective to know that everything will carry on because time ticks away relentlessly, no matter how fast or slow you perceive it or want it to move.

But Ben is here this weekend and I am re-centering and catching up on sleep, and the sun is out and I am going to forget about all my work for a couple of hours and go to a Maple Harvest Festival and gorge on pancakes and fresh syrup.  He brings me a calm and happiness like nothing else can or ever will.  For the moment, I am grounded in reality instead of in my mind and life is fine.