2015 in review

(Alternate title for this post: Lessons Learned in my Year of Growing Pains)

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's already 2016? Because I can't. I feel like I'm hitting that point in life where time starts to blend together and move faster and faster and it's hard to differentiate between separate years. Oh no! Oh well.

I've been procrastinating writing this 2015 recap all week, but I figure I need to get it done while we're still in the first week of the new year so I can officially move on with my life.

If 2014 was the year of outward growth and expansion (quit job! launch and grow coaching biz!), 2015 was my year of inward growth, TRAVEL, personal discovery and comfort zone blasting! It was quite exhausting really. Which is why I've been putting off this recap...I honestly don't want to have to relive it, haha.

2015 was my first full year being self employed, and it's been a wonderful ride.

Last January I decided my word of the year was FOCUS. Here are some of the intentions I set:

A few of the big projects and milestones ahead:

-a new website and blog !!! CHECK! You're on it!

-a more established health and wellness coaching business and team Check check!

-WATERCOLORS IN THE ETSY SHOP (finally, right?) YESSSSS I DID IT! Still need to expand and promote them more, but here's my first collection of printable art!

-a new apartment this summer !!! Check! I still can't believe we found this place...the first time I've felt like I manifested a dream from thin air!

I want to start writing and sharing more of my life again. I feel like I got sucked into the learning and absorbing vacuum this fall, became overwhelmed with everything I felt like I "needed" to know and do, and paralyzed myself with too many conflicting priorities.

2015 is going to be a year of FOCUS and intention. I have a lot of big goals and dreams, and I know I'm capable of making them happen.

This is the power of intentional goal setting in action. When we put our dreams and visions into the universe (or internet), they have a tendency of happening on their own time. It might not be exactly like we expected, and it NEVER happens as quickly as we think it should, but it will all work out.

I had several really big achievement-based goals relating to my business that I EPICALLY failed to reach, but I'm ok with that! It's a story for another post...

This post is for giving thanks and gratitude to the lessons, adventures, experiences, and growth of 2015.

It was a WHAMMY of a year.

source unknown

Word of 2015: FOCUS.

I learned that what you focus on will indeed expand and grow.

I learned this the good way, and also the hard way.

I learned that I needed to focus on myself and my inner journey instead of focusing entirely on growing my business, because our outer lives only grow and expand at the same rate as we grow and expand on the inside. 

WINTER 2015

January and February were the months I pushed my mental and physical limits and learned how to literally travel beyond the edges of my comfort zone.

My biggest triumph: Completing all 60 days of Insanity Max:30!

My proudest accomplishment: Creating a new group coaching program and a new coach training workbook for my team!

Lessons learned: I did Jess Lively's Life With Intention Online and learned how to recognize my ego (aka inner mean girl), started to break up with my achievement-driven way of life that always left me feeling empty and unsatisfied, and slowly started to practice believing that I am already good enough. I did a lot of deep work on my values in life, and that set the tone for pretty much the rest of the year, although I'm still very much a student in all this personal development stuff!

I also added flannel blanket scarves to the Etsy shop,  and went way overboard with trying to set goals and plan out the year. This year I'm definitely backing off the goal setting front and letting things happen on their own.

SPRING 2015

Looking back through my photos, I think spring was my favorite season of the year. It was the season of self discovery and spending time with family and friends.

I started reading The Artist's Way, and learned the transformative power of journaling every single day.

I started working with my first ever amazing life coach Cady, and she helped me dig deep into my potential, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and inner strength.

Ben and I also traveled to Cancun for the Beachbody Success Club trip! It was Ben's first official Beachbody experience, and we spent 5 days at an all-inclusive resort with the top coaches in the network, all earned for free in my first year of coaching...it was INCREDIBLE.

I also spent lots of time hanging out with my girlfriends and Tone It Up community here in Chicago, even getting a chance to meet Karena and Katrina themselves at their book tour!

My family came to visit and we went to the Chicago Flower and Garden show at Navy Pier to get the first glimpse of (indoor) spring.

I invested in Marie Forleo's B-School to learn how to run an online business, and got back to painting!

SUMMER 2015

Summer was for travel and adventures!

I finally launched my first line of printable watercolor art in the Etsy shop. Hurray!

Ben and I met his family in the suburbs for a little reunion to celebrate his late grandmother's 100th birthday.

My partner in crime Katie and I traveled to Peoria to run a Shakeology booth at the Steamboat Classic Expo and also ran the race with most of my family. It was super fun and Katie is now officially adopted into our curly red haired clan. 

Then Ben and I jetted off to Holland for our first trip to Europe together! I'm half Dutch, so we visited lots of family and traveled around several cities. (I guess I still need to finish re-capping our trip!). I hadn't been back since high school, so it was strange to revisit all my childhood memories and share my Dutch heritage with Ben. We ate lots of bread, stroopwafels, pastries, Heineken, and had a blast.

Then it was off to Nashville for Coach Summit with some of the wonderful members of my team! We had so much fun soaking it all in, celebrating, having girls night dinners, working out with Shaun T and Chalene Johnson, and learning so much about how to create authentic and successful coaching businesses. Can't wait to go back this July!

 At the end of the summer Ben and I found our DREAM APARTMENT and moved! We had been in our old apartment for three years, so it was a mega move. I hate moving. It sucks. I'm hoping we can stay here for quite some time!

And I closed out my crazy travel season with a wonderful team retreat in Orlando, my first time in Florida.

FALL 2015

Did I say the end of travel season? Just kidding. I kicked off Fall with a trip to Iowa to visit my college roomie Christine and her new baby girl! I also stopped by my grandma's farm in the Quad Cities.

Later in the fall I flew to Los Cabos, Mexico with my friend Kathleen to celebrate the wedding of our friend Deidre! It was the most stunning wedding, and a great way to unwind and relax for a few days at an all inclusive resort (twice in one year...I will never take my life for granted). 

Ben and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary on October 6th. 

October was an explosion of energy. I couldn't stop writing. My brain wouldn't stop. I started looking for more creative personal development books to guide me.

I went through a rather traumatically explosive inner breakthrough that involved lots of creativity and also lots of anxiety. I created and piloted a 28 day online personal development course called Courageously Authentic with a group of 25 amazing women, and am planning to relaunch it very soon!

I officially completed a 90 DAY fitness program, ChaLean Extreme, and fell in love with strength training and weights. My attitude towards food and my body has completely transformed, and now I workout to push my limits and eat to fuel my energy instead of worrying about calories. 

In November I spent a turbo-charged weekend in Dallas at another Beachbody conference with my awesome team! It's so fun to travel for work these days when conferences are basically super fun girls trips.

As fall turned back into winter, my energy started to go back into hibernation mode and I finally burned out from all the months of comfort zone blasting and personal growth, so I let myself slow my roll a little bit and relax. Enter tea, knitting, and Netflix!

I did launch a new GORGEOUS line of wool and flannel cowls in the Etsy shop and painted some more. 

My mom and sister came up to go to the Christkindl Market (German Christmas Market) in Daley Plaza and we ate warm cinnamon sugar almonds and drank gluhwein. 

As a teacher, Ben got two weeks of Christmas vacation so I decided to unplug and take a break too. We took a huge road trip down to East Tennessee to visit his mom, hiked the Appalachian Trail (ok not the whole trail, but a few miles!), and celebrated Christmas on a warm and rainy day that felt more like spring. Then we drove to Indiana to rendezvous with my side of the family for more feasting and presents and hanging out!

And now we're here, on the cusp of the new year.

Major lessons of 2015

• I finally feel like I'm good enough. I've made huge strides in dealing with my paralyzing perfectionism and performance anxiety!
• I'm at peace with my body. I can't express how amazing this feels. I don't care how much I weigh, I don't care that I have some extra holiday curves, because I know I'm the strongest I've ever been and that is so freaking awesome. I honestly think that since I'm not obsessing about my weight (ditched my scale!) or body image or food, my anxiety turned to my business because it needed an outlet...but I've made major strides with dealing with that too.
• I learned how to identify my "inner mean girl" and stop listening to her.
• I learned that spending time with family and friends is my number one priority in life.
• I LOVE travel, but it wears me out! I don't want to take more than one major trip every 2 months this year.
• I learned how to RELAX and kick my over-achiever to the side. I perfected the art of relaxing so well over the holidays that I'm afraid there's no going back, and I'm finding it hard to muster energy and motivation to go back to work this month! Work/life balance for the win.

What's up for 2015?

I'm not really thinking about it yet. I haven't felt the urge to create many goals and plans, because I kind of want to go with the flow, follow my heart, and see what happens.

I want to spend less time stressing, traveling, and spending energy.

More time relaxing, being, thinking, painting, building relationships, and having fun in my own city. 

I do have a couple of big adventures lined up, so I know it's going to be a good year. 

Cheers to new adventures, friends, and growth!

xo Anna

a season of peace

It's the Friday before Christmas, and I’m sitting in on the couch in our sunny living room next to our little Christmas tree, listening to the Folk Christmas station on Spotify, drinking gingerbread tea and trying to focus so I can get some work done before Ben comes home and we officially kick off our break!

I feel lazy and super unmotivated on the outside, and buzzing with excitement for the holidays on the inside.

On Sunday Ben and I are hitting the road for our annual Christmas road trip (central IL to Tennessee to Indiana this year). I’m looking forward to lots of downtime hanging out with family, eating cookies, drinking wine, and dreaming and planning for 2016.

I can hardly believe 2015 is almost over, but at the same time I’m almost giddy with relief and happiness because it’s been a long, (good but) exhausting year! I feel like I’ve been living inside a whirlwind and I’ve just escaped into quiet stillness.

My mom and sister came up to Chicago to visit on Monday and we spent the afternoon at the Christkindlmarket in Daley Plaza window shopping, eating cinnamon sugar almonds, and drinking gluhwein. 

I also took myself on a fancy coffee date to Julius Meinl, an adorable European-style cafe, just because. And got my nails done! I'm so happy I finally introduced myself to the wonders of the no-chip mani. I used to think manicures were a waste of money. Just one of the little self-worth mindset shifts I've made!

Last night I threw a virtual hangout party with the coaches on my team to celebrate our wins and share our hopes and dreams for 2016. These women feel like family to me, they support me and lift me up, and I realized that this time last year I only knew two of them. The community I'm building through Beachbody is so incredible and empowering!

This has been possibly THE most relaxing week I've had all year.

Partly because I've been doing fun things, but mainly because my brain and nervous system has finally received the SLOW THE F*** DOWN memo I've been trying to send for the past several months.

I've been having an inner battle with my perfectionism all year and the inner mean girl voice who tells me "you're not enough" and I'm finally learning how to raise my umbrella to protect myself from the "should"-storms and be ok with simply BE-ing instead of constantly doing, striving, and achieving.

When you're trying to change your entire mindset and the way you view yourself, you're going to face a TON of resistance from your ego, which wants to hold you back and sabotage you so you never leave your "comfort zone," even if your comfort zone isn't even comfortable anymore.

So the closer you get to a personal breakthrough, whether it's weight loss, a career move, a new relationship, or internal growth, the more intense the resistance is going to feel. Apparently it even attacks your immune system and will make you physically sick, which I learned the hard way last month.

If you've been following my blog this year, you know I've been dealing with a huge internal growth spurt.

Let me catch you up....

May : I decided to take ownership of my perfectionism, and refused to let it define me any longer.

October : I decided to break up with my inner mean girl, AKA ego, and not take her shit anymore.

November : I started to stop rushing through life and practiced living in the present moment, cutting myself lots of slack. My ego didn't like it. I got sick and burned out. I had one last HUGE epic break down last month, involving a never-ending cold and anxiety so bad I actually went to the doctor to make sure I wasn't dying. (She told me I was super healthy and gave me some Xanax).

December : I finally cracked through and learned how to let myself recover through a self care mindset.

Where I'm at now

I'm really good. I'm spending lots of time reading fiction books for fun (!), sitting and thinking without freaking out over being alone with my own thoughts, journaling and reflecting. I'm eating what I want to eat and listening to my body, which means lots of healthy foods and greens but some sugar and holiday treats here and there too.

I'm not motivated to grow my business right now, so I'm taking the pressure off. I know my energy and motivation will kick back into gear next month, and I have lots of plans :)

For the first time in my adult life, I’m letting myself relax and just BE.

My brain is calm, I’m content, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, and I know I still have a long way to go before I reach my big dreams and goals...but most of all I’ve learned how to be happy within the process of growth and dream-chasing.

At the beginning of the year I didn’t know how to separate my sense of self worth and success from my accomplishments, achievements, paycheck, and work.

Now I know that all I have to do is be myself, and that’s more than enough.

I'm finally aligning with my purpose in life, and for the first time I feel successful and worthy simply for being myself.

For the FIRST TIME I am at peace with my body.

I'm at peace with the fact I'm not perfect.

I'm at peace with the fact I don't have to "be productive" 24/7 or work long hours to feel like I'm doing something with my life.

I'm at peace with the fact my business is growing slower than I thought it "should," and I'm not making the income I desire yet.

I've been seeking this peace for so many years, in jobs and opportunities and accomplishments, and I had no idea it was inside me the whole time. 

This is why I love sharing my story on my blog. Because when we're in the middle of something, we can't see the other side until we're at the other side, but it's fascinating to look back and be able to tie the pieces together.

I've let go of a lot of the stress and pressure I was placing on myself for 2015 because let's face it...there are some goals I simply didn't meet and they're not going to happen now. And that's ok! There's a brand new year waiting just around the corner.

Next year is going to be full of creativity and more growth and discovery, and I can't wait.

Wishing YOU lots of peace as we head into the holiday season. Let yourself relax and be present in the moment...everything will get done, I promise. You deserve to relax :)

xo Anna

p.s. Want to work on your OWN inner and outer transformation next year? I'm super excited to be welcoming new clients to my January group coaching program...click for details!

self care is NOT selfish

As a coach and mentor I strongly believe in “you teach what you most have to learn yourself.”

And one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from life in 2015 is how to treat myself better.

When I was working with my awesome life coach Cady back in April, she asked me the question “Anna! Why can’t you just be nice to yourself?”

And that question has literally been echoing in the back of my head all year. Not in a bad way that makes me beat myself up even more, but more in a neutral and inquisitive way because it made me take a huge step back and go "huh! I don't know..."

Why can’t I be nice to myself?

After months of personal development and reflection, I’ve discovered several possible answers.

• I’m female.
• I’m a perfectionist.
• I've been living with anxiety and low self-esteem my entire adult life.
• I’ve attached my sense of self worth to what I do and how much I earn.

There’s more to the story, but those are a few of the answers, and I’ve been working on recovering from all of them (minus the female one, sadly I have to accept the hormone rollercoaster).

And while coaching dozens of other beautiful and talented women through their own inner and outer wellness journeys, I’ve realized that I’m not alone in being my own worst enemy and critic.

Almost all women tend to be WAY too hard on ourselves.

Yes, there’s pressure and demands coming externally from the society and culture we live in. Messages that tell us success equals having a respected, well paying job, a gorgeous home, a perfect relationship, adorable pets or babies, an active social life, pretty social media accounts, a fit body, a perfectly decorated Christmas tree, and a "meal plan."

But that pressure is NOTHING compared to the pressure that comes from within. The pressure we place on ourselves to do more and be more because we never quite feel good enough.

We isolate ourselves, and start to believe that we’re alone and the only person in the world struggling with these fears and insecurities and doubts and stresses.

We beat ourselves up for not measuring up to our own ridiculous expectations, and we talk to ourselves in ways we would NEVER talk to our best friend. Why do we allow this?

I think the whole problem stems from our linear approach to life. The approach we're taught in grade school that teaches us more is more, and productivity leads to success.

We’re taught that we need to work harder and do more, so we never give ourselves time to relax and simply BE. As we grow up we become self conscious of our place and role in society and our little bubbles, and we start to judge ourselves.

We lose sight of who we really are, our connection to our creativity and inner energy that is so abundant when we’re little kids.

We numb our insecurities with food, overwork, over planning, to-do lists, alcohol, and other addictive behaviors, which only make us feel worse. We never feel like we’re in control, even though we always are, and we never make time for the hobbies and passions we enjoyed as children.

We believe that spending time on ourselves is selfish or a waste of productivity.

How do we drag ourselves out of this negative cycle?

The answer is simple, but hard.

It all comes down to self care.

What does “self care” mean to me?

To me, self care is less about specific actions like taking bubble baths (although that’s part of it), and more about a state of mind.

A state of mind in which you view yourself as WORTHY of love and happiness, just the way you are. 

It’s a state of mind I’m currently working on, because I’ve internalized so many damaging and negative beliefs about myself over the years (I’m not pretty, I’m not good enough, I’m fat, I’m overwhelmed, I'm too late, I’ll never get to where I want to be, etc etc.), the damaging self-criticism I like to call the “inner mean girl” (also known as the ego).

Self care is so important because it means taking a stand for yourself and believing that you deserve to be happy.

It means convincing my head AND heart that I'M worthy of love, acceptance, and success just by being myself, without having to change or improve or blog more or have a bigger business or rack up more external achievements.

It means putting my own needs first before reacting to the demands of life and work. Listening to my energy and honoring the signals my body is telling me.

Taking ownership of my day and doing the things I know will make me feel better, even if I’m facing resistance or am pushing out of my comfort zone.

Self care means ENDING the comparison trap, and celebrating other women's success without letting it diminish my own.

It means using jealousy as a POSITIVE tool to guide me towards the actions I need to be taking, instead of remaining paralyzed in inferiority.

It means carving out time to work on my “soul projects” like painting or sewing, even if zoning out with Netflix sounds more tempting.

It means NOT attaching ideas of business or productivity to my creativity...even though I'm the queen of turning all my hobbies into small businesses.

Self care is doing things like waking up early and going for a run even if it’s cold out and I’d rather be lazy and stay in bed, because I know it will clear my head and give me confidence and energy.

Or writing vulnerable blog posts like this instead of hiding within my journal and mind, because I feel good when I can express myself and connect with other women who are dealing with the same stuff.

Self care is taking action based on how I want to FEEL, even if I don't feel it in the present moment. 

To me, self care is taking myself and my dreams seriously instead of blowing them off as unrealistic, unproductive, or a waste of time.

source

What can self-care do for you?

When you take time to put yourself first, you'll feel less overwhelmed and stressed. You will be able to relax, breathe deeper, and live in the present moment instead of worrying about the future or your to-do list.

You'll start to experience breakthroughs.

You'll be able to fully show up for your relationships and family without feeling resentful.

You will feel nourished and cared for from the inside out.

And if you’re thinking that you’re too busy to take time out for yourself…let the one and only Liz Gilbert give you a loving smack-down.

“Free time" isn't something you find in life, but rather something that you MAKE — carving it out of your real life obligations, because you care.

This is how you act as a co-creator of your own life — rather than just being swept away by the demands of the real world. This is you saying, "I am interacting with my life in a purposeful way," instead of saying, "I am a helpless slave to my many duties and obligations.

I'm telling you — this can always be done. Whatever it is you really care about in life (health, spirituality, creativity, meditation, love, service, study) you can always find 30 minutes a day for it. You have the other 23-and-a-half damn hours for everything else. (And everything else will feel better and less oppressive, too, when you know in your heart that you are devoting some part of your day to a purposeful endeavor.)

Set the timer on your phone (I KNOW you have a timer on your phone) and begin. Thirty minutes.

Use that thirty minutes a day to push back hard against all the voices that say: "Not now. Not here. I can't do this yet."

Those voices are dead wrong.

The truth is:

"Right now. Right here. We're doing this."

(Elizabeth Gilbert)

source

I know one of the biggest barriers to sticking with a self care routine (or any positive change) is lack of accountability.

Why is it so easy to procrastinate the things we KNOW will make us happy and feel better? I don’t know, but accountability is key.

Sometimes all it takes to get out of our heads and take ACTION is to see our goals and dreams written out on paper. Making things visible makes them real, and we have to remind ourselves every single day why we want to do the things that make us feel good.

And I’m a big fan of positive reinforcement, because if we immediately reward ourselves for good behavior, we’ll be more motivated to keep the groove going!

So I decided to make a Self Care Sticker Chart, because who doesn’t love stickers?

How to use the Self Care Sticker Chart

1.     CLICK TO DOWNLOAD and print it out!

2.     Fill the blanks with self care action items you want to make room for this week (workouts, meditation, healthy meals, walks, call friends or fam, hobbies, journaling, reading, etc…)

3.     Set a target goal for the number of times this week you would like to complete each action (hint: don’t be a hero and try to overhaul your entire life all at once! Small gradual changes are key.)

4.     Stick your chart to your fridge or bedroom mirror, and give yourself a sticker or mark off each day you complete your self care actions!

5.     At the end of the week, reward yourself no matter how many stickers or boxes are checked off. This isn’t a competition or a race…and if you can mark off ONE action that’s major progress!

Remember: self care is a PRACTICE. You won't be good at first.

That's ok, being good is not the point.

Just start with baby steps, five minutes a day of breathing, or eating without reading, working, or watching TV.

My mission as a coach is to help women connect with themselves and develop a sense of self-worth that comes from within. I want to believe in you until you have the courage to believe in yourself. I want to be the mirror that reflects back your own beauty and light.

Self care is NOT selfish because the people in your life deserve to have you at your best.

So go do all those little things you've always wanted to do. Show up for yourself, even for just 30 minutes a day, because you deserve to be happy.

You are so shiny and bright!

xo Anna

p.s. I would LOVE to see your Self Care Sticker Charts in action! Email me pictures, or post on social media with the hashtag #selfcarestickerchart!