It takes what I call COURAGEOUS AUTHENTICITY to build a heart centered business that's an expression of who you are, because it forces us to (A) figure out who we are in the first place and (B) get super vulnerable and bare our souls to the internet and world !!
In my 5 years of online business I've realized that we all deal with pretty much the exact same fears: fear of rejection, judgment, failure, success, no one signing up for our stuff, not ever finishing what we start...
There’s a difference between what I consider legit fear (e.g. danger or harm coming to you or someone you care about) versus irrational fear (what our ego or crazybrain considers danger, but won’t actually put us in harms way).
The way we evolved, our instinctual brain can’t tell the difference between being chased by a knife wielding stranger down a dark alley, and going out of our comfort zone to do something we’ve never done before. Our fear instinct sends DANGER warnings to our nervous system in either case, and we react accordingly.
In the second scenario, whenever we go out of our comfort zone we’re placing ourselves at risk of failure, judgment, increased visibility, which are uncomfortable to our ego that just wants us to fit in and play small.
So are you going to run or hide? Or is your adult, logical, rational truth brain going to override your instincts and remind you that you are indeed safe, even if personal growth is uncomfortable?
Almost all of our “irrational” fears can be traced back to one of two core fears:
Fear of not being loved/accepted
Fear of not being enough
For me, the former manifests in trying not to rock the boat, trying to be strong and not show emotions, taking care of everyone but feeling guilty for having my own needs and desires. A sense of isolation and being separate or different.
The second manifests in crippling perfectionism and overwhelm paralysis, feeling like I will never be able to fulfill my potential. Like I’m always failing to reach my own expectations. A sense of anxiety and lack.
I sent a poll out to my Courageously Authentic Women in Biz community and they responded with similar fears too, which I could easily trace back to the core two fears of not being loved, not being enough, or a little of both.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
I AM NOT LOVED (fear of rejection) … this could also be the flip of not enough: being TOO MUCH.
What people will think?
I’ll fail and push people away.
Being open and vulnerable will lead to being misunderstood or judged.
What if no one else will want to join me?
Fear of judgment or rejection.
Fear of success!
I AM NOT ENOUGH
I will never attract paying clients.
I feel incapable and unworthy.
I’m afraid of failing.
I’m afraid of not being enough.
I don’t have a unique experience to connect with others.
Who am I to be a (insert your type of business here)?
I’ll never be successful because I’m not a high performer.
If I put time and effort into something and fail, I’ll have wasted that time and energy.
I’m not cool/popular/extroverted enough to really build this into a sustainable, flourishing business or put the effort in to keep it there
If I need to take time to recharge and unplug for a few days, people will lose interest so I just have to push through even when my body/soul are screaming for rest.
I am afraid of not having enough time to achieve everything I want, both in business and in life. I have all these great things I want to do, but I don’t have the time to get to them and in turn I won’t be as successful as I feel I can be...
Fear of not finishing what I started and dreamed of.
Not having enough time to build a business while raising children, and having to sacrifice time with kids and partner. Will it all be worth it?
The crazy thing is that we are all the same. We all struggle with different flavors of the same fundamental “stuff” of being human.
When we get out of our heads, and realize that we aren’t alone, the fear starts to dissipate!
This is why I freaking LOVE being a life coach.
Because you can do all the personal development. Go to all the motivational seminars.
But sometimes we need someone else to guide us through the actual work of processing and releasing our fears and doubts, to guide us back to our truth and reflect back what we can’t yet see in ourselves - how powerful and whole and lovable we really are already.
Next week I’m going to be running a 3 part Live mindset training, jamming on some of the most common fears that limit female entrepreneurs from reaching our full potential, as well as a secret to “manifesting” our dreams that I haven’t seen anyone else in the world talk about yet.
I’m calling it LET IT HAPPEN - get out of your head and create an inspired business.
Let’s stop trying to force or push through... and surrender to what feels easy.
We are going deep, we are doing the work, we are going to make some major shifts together!